


Buddleja Albiflora (A Place for Butterflies to Land)

by SEpupppupp (ForNought)



Series: bloom [2]
Category: Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of Underage Sex, Unrequited Love, background pairings - Freeform, unrequited ahn hyeongseob/choi seunghyuk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-02-09 18:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 39,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12893847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForNought/pseuds/SEpupppupp
Summary: Hyungseob is patient so he doesn't mind Seunghyuk ignoring him to be annoying and icky with his stupid new boyfriend. Hyungseob has Woojin to waste time with anyway.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Tags updated!!!** i am very bad at tagging but i thought i should add stuff that happens in future as well as current content that i forgot about 
> 
> I'll be honest I haven't worked on this for ages and I am posting the majority of what I have to motivate myself to finish this seeing as I do actually want to finish this and I don't hate it.

When Hyungseob had told Seunghyuk to go and eat lunch with his stupid new boyfriend - sneered it, even! He didn't really have anything personal against Justin but the concept seemed ridiculous - he hadn't actually expected Seunghyuk to pack up his things and abandon him. Hyungseob sulked about it for maybe a minute and he gave Sungyeon a dirty look that she didn't deserve before he left the classroom too.

Hyungseob didn't care what Seunghyuk did. It was still early days and he supposed they should both explore their options before the fibres of their friendship knit more tightly when they find themselves navigating the high winds of university together. Hyungseob was fine to do some exploring too.

He never strayed too far from well travelled paths and he wasn't disappointed when he arrived at class five.

Woojin noticed Hyungseob in the doorway of the classroom immediately and waved him over with enough enthusiasm to be utterly defeated while arm wrestling with Jihoon. Jihoon was not a gracious winner and jeered loudly and waved his hands in Woojin's face to celebrate. Woojin simply shrugged and shot Hyungseob a grin which flashed the crooked line of his teeth.

Hyungseob didn't go unnoticed by Jihoon either, despite the racket he was making.

“Have you come to challenge the undefeated champion of the world too?”

Hyungseob shrugged and squeezed himself onto Woojin's chair even though he knew he wouldn't fit. Woojin slipped forwards in his seat and made a bit of a gap for Hyungseob to straddle the gap behind him and wrap his arms around Woojin's waist.

“You two are so weird,” Jihoon said. “I bet I can beat both of you at once.”

“How are you going to arm wrestle two people at once?” Hyungseob asked as he hooked his chin over Woojin's shoulder.

Jihoon demonstrated how he thought a two-armed arm wrestling match would go with ample sound effects and over the top acting. Hyungseob didn't think he would win quite so easily and neither did Woojin.

“I can beat you now that Hyungseob is here though,” Woojin pointed out.

“You lost as soon as you saw him,” Jihoon snorted.

“Woojin will win! I will cheer him on!”

“Cheer him on to lose? Go for it,” Jihoon shrugged.

Woojin must have been trying to be nice because Jihoon had nothing but his pride, and he lost three times in succession. Hyungseob hoped it wasn't because his cheering for Woojin was ineffective but when he learned back to give Woojin some room, and the chance of victory, Woojin pulled Hyungseob tighter against his back.

“Why are you here jinxing Woojin anyway?” Jihoon asked as he tested out hitting his ruler on the desk.

“Seunghyuk ditched me to hang out with his boyfriend,” Hyungseob grumbled. The sourness was shocked out of him by the impact of the ruler against the desk for a second time. Jihoon had suddenly mentioned penalties after his winning streak and Hyungseob mentally begged Woojin to stop being so kind.

“Seunghyuk has a boyfriend?” Woojin asked. He turned his face to look at Hyungseob and he was cross-eyed as he tried to focus. It was cute and Hyungseob mentally begged Woojin to never stop being kind to him.

“He is going out with a first year called Justin,” Hyungseob said aloud.

“That's so nice,” Woojin said. As kind as he was he was completely oblivious and Hyungseob didn't like that. His friends should all have been supportive of him and his many dissatisfactions.

“It isn't nice at all.”

“Yeah, that's kind of gross,” Jihoon agreed. “I bet they hold hands and kiss and stuff too.”

“What is gross about that?” Woojin frowned.

“It’s all gross isn’t it? Liking someone and being happy together,” Jihoon said, completely disrespecting Hyungseob’s gripes. He reached for Woojin's forearm and held it steady as he thwacked the plastic ruler against the oddly willing skin. Woojin barely yelped.

“What was that for?” Woojin asked. “We haven't had another round yet.”

“Really I wanted to hit Hyungseob for being a baby about his boyfriend getting a boyfriend,” Jihoon said as he tested the flex of the ruler. “But if I hit him I think you would definitely hit me.”

“I am going to hit you anyway because you shouldn't talk about hitting Hyungseob at all,” Woojin said pragmatically. Though he hadn't done well when arm wrestling, Woojin did a great job of punching Jihoon in the arm.

“Are you trying to break my arm!” Jihoon exclaimed as Woojin linked his fingers with Hyungseob’s across his stomach and grinned.

 

 

*

 

 

Woojin had looked surprised to see Hyungseob walk into his bedroom. It was strange because Hyungseob had text Woojin to let him know he was on his way and then he had talked quite loudly with the eldest of the residents at Woojin's boarding house as he was welcomed into the house.

Woojin was lying on his stomach on his bedroom floor in some ratty old pyjamas, and since Hyungseob’s arrival he had forgone playing on his X-Box to compulsively play with his fringe and getting it to sit right on his forehead.

“How old is this game?” Hyungseob asked as he sat cross-legged beside Woojin on the bedroom floor. He felt a bit overdressed in his uniform so he slipped off his blazer and rolled up his shirt sleeves. Woojin still looked awkward about wearing pyjamas as he sat up.

“It is FIFA 15,” Woojin replied instead of offering a direct answer.

“Oh. I don't know much about football,” Hyungseob said.

“Me neither. But I like this game.”

Hyungseob had never played a FIFA game before. He knew it was something to do with playing through different leagues but he didn't know much about it beyond that. It was better than listening to Seunghyuk and Justin flirting in Chinese and showing off their stupid new relationship.

Hyungseob could be irritatingly saccharine and disgusting as he made elaborate excuses to hold someone's hand and giggle about it. He could do that right now if he wanted to! Woojin loved engaging in excessive skinship with him so Hyungseob had no shortage of opportunities to be gross and annoying. He doubted Seunghyuk or Justin would be bothered by it though.

“Can I play too?” Hyungseob asked, because there was nothing else to do in Woojin's room.

“I only have one controller. Donghyun-hyung broke the other one,” Woojin said stiffly. He glanced down at it before holding it out. “You can have a turn now if you'd like.”

Hyungseob didn't really want to but he took the controller anyway. “How do you play it?”

Woojin blinked at him dumbly and then said, “You just sort of play it.”

“That's not helpful at all!”

“But I thought you loved computer stuff. Can't you work it out yourself?” Woojin asked.

He was right and Hyungseob suspected he would immediately work out how to play the game. It would only be a matter of thumbing the joystick and pressing the right buttons to pass or tackle. But Hyungseob was sort of trying to set the tone for flirting and maybe some almost hand-holding as woojin taught him how to play. This lack of awareness on Woojin's part wasn't very good for Hyungseob’s ego.

“I think I've got it,” Hyungseob grumbled. He might not have been as cute and flirty as he thought he was if Woojin, who voluntarily acted as something for Hyungseob to hang onto and lounge across, couldn't take the hint.

The game was easy even if Hyungseob kept forgetting which club he was playing as and the player he controlled changed at unexpected times.

“You're really good at this,” Woojin said.

“I guess so.”

“I'm not very good,” Woojin went on. He shuffled closer and Hyungseob hoped this wasn't the prelude to some jealous rage where Woojin would smash the control right out of his hands. He tightened his grip and tried not to get distracted as Woojin leaned into his side. “You are so much better than me even though this is your first time.”

“It must be beginner’s luck.”

“Or you're a natural,” Woojin insisted. “Can you teach me how to play so well?”

It was an ill-timed request because a player on the opposing team completed a hat-trick against Hyungseob. Woojin didn't pay that any mind and he slid his arms around Hyungseob’s middle and loosely covered Hyungseob’s hands on the controller with his own.

“How do you do it?”

It was Hyungseob’s turn to be dumb as he tried to make sense of the slightly sweat-damp palms that were scorching the backs of his hands.

“How do I do it?” Hyungseob repeated.

“Yeah, show me,” Woojin said. He pressed closer and Hyungseob shivered. It was strange because Woojin was so warm but the parts of Hyungseob that went untouched had erupted in goosebumps and craved the soothing scorch of Woojin's body. But they were supposed to be playing FIFA and Hyungseob was hoping to use some of the time to complain about icky couples having no consideration for him.

It would be hypocritical to complain when Hyungseob wanted to be icky himself. He decided he wouldn't complain. Instead he leaned back into Woojin's chest and slipped his fingers from beneath Woojin's.

“To play well you just really have to want to impress me.”

 

 

*

 

 

Hyungseob felt oddly nervous, which he never normally did when he saw Woojin, and he wondered how best to make the feeling go away. There was a sprig of hair at the back of his head which hadn't paid attention to what Hyungseob wanted it to do and it mocked Hyungseob each time he caught his reflection in the large windows of the restaurant beside the bowling alley.

It wasn't just Hyungseob’s hair that had declared mutiny against him. Several pairs of jeans decided not to fit over his hips so he had to go with some shorts that stopped above his knee. It would be nice if Woojin saw Hyungseob’s legs and thought them terrifically muscled rather than stubbornly chubby.

The second Hyungseob saw Woojin, all he could think about was how terrifically muscled he was. Hyungseob was jealous that he didn't naturally exude the same vibe but he didn't mind too much because Woojin grinned cheekily as he approached and flashed his abs.

“I hope you weren't waiting too long,” Woojin said. He had to be grinning that way on purpose, just to emphasise his snaggle tooth because Hyungseob had once told him it was charming. It couldn't have been an accident that each time Hyungseob saw the smile his cheeks felt hot and his ears burst into flame.

Woojin had once informed Hyungseob that his ears were always bright red and asked him what he had to be constantly embarrassed about. Hyungseob didn't think he was embarrassed about anything until he felt embarrassed for having perpetually glowing ears. There was no doubt that they were steaming red. Hyungseob tried not to think so deeply about the colour of his ears and pointed out something far more embarrassing.

“Why are you lifting your shirt in public like that?”

“I thought you liked it.”

“Your abs?” Hyungseob clarified. Woojin nodded. Ridiculous. “I like it when it is subtle and sexy. What you just did was gross. Fancy practically stripping in public.”

“I will be sure not to let you see my abs again,” Woojin said decisively.

“I didn't mean it like that,” Hyungseob sulked. Woojin only laughed and cupped his hands over Hyungseob’s hot ears and gesturing for him to follow inside the bowling alley.

The decor was predictably garish with brightly geometric carpets and lighting which could have been low to confuse the customers inside the windowless building or simply because the bulbs were nearing the end of their lives.

Hyungseob certainly felt confused by the dim lights and was so enraptured by the fluorescent flashing of the arcade machines that he didn't even notice Woojin paying for him. The notes he had fished out of his wallet in preparation wilted in disappointment when he swapped his shoe size for clownish bowling shoes and didn't have his money taken from him. He followed Woojin's gruff instruction to get out of the way of the counter and sat down at their lane, still clutching his money.

“What are you doing?” Woojin asked as he kicked his feet into the air to show off his ugly shoes.

“Did you pay for me?” Hyungseob asked.

Woojin dropped his feet to the floor with a clatter and tilted his head. “Of course I did.”

“Oh,” Hyungseob said meekly. Having it confirmed just made him more confused and he dove down to change his shoes in order to disguise his flush. They were evenly matched in bowling. They both got lucky here and there with strikes but they scored a decidedly equal run of sevens and eights which made for a close but wholly unimpressive game. There wasn't too much focus on the score as Woojin had the novel idea of choosing names for each other and rather gleefully typed “Judy” into the computer. Hyungseob had taken far too long in his retaliation but it was hard to think up something scathing when woojin was taunting Hyungseob with what he assumed to be rabbit noises. Hyungseob had lamely settled for “Sparrow” and only realised how badly he hashed the spelling when it was too late and Woojin blankly asked how old Hyungseob was when he began learning Korean.

Hyungseob soon had his chance to make fun of Woojin when he slipped and scored the sole gutter ball of the game but he had enough fun recreating the scene that he didn't care about Woojin eating up the disparity in score to bring them level once more.

“What are you going to buy me for winning?” Hyungseob asked before his last turn.

Woojin frowned. “I paid for you to be here. Also I have practically beaten you!”

“How do you reckon that?” Hyungseob asked as he chose the marbled pink ball that had given him his best scores of the day. “I only need to score a three to beat you.”

“Yes, but you need to factor in the fourth round,” Woojin argued.

Hyungseob looked up at the scoreboard to see the red zero for the fourth round. “You fell over. what do we need to factor in?”

“It was an accident!”

Hyungseob gasped dramatically and just about managed to hold on to the bowling ball. “Woojin, there are no accidents in bowling!”

“That's unfair.”

“How is it unfair? I am about to beat you fair and square. I want a prize.”

Woojin huffed and folded his arms. “What if you don't score a three? Do I get a prize?”

Hyungseob smiled. There was no way he would lose. “If I lose, you can have any prize you want.”

“Okay,” Woojin said. “What prize do you want?”

Hyungseob paused for a moment. He knew exactly what prize he wanted when he brought up The subject. Now that he was being asked it seemed weird to ask for something as stupid as a thirty second hug. He shrugged and decided he would get Woojin to agree first so that it was less embarrassing.

“I’m not sure yet. I just want something for winning,” Hyungseob said vaguely.

“Okay. I want you to buy me a milkshake if you lose,” Woojin said quickly.

“That's a stupid prize,” Hyungseob said. He would have bought a milkshake anyway. But Hyungseob was about to save Woojin from winning such a paltry prize because there was no way he could lose.

Hyungseob turned from the seats and moved to the end of the lane. He only needed to knock down three pins but he was aiming for a strike anyway. He exhaled and steadied himself before approaching to take his shot. Before Hyungseob could release the ball, firm arms wrapped around him and Woojin blew into Hyungseob’s ear with enough force that he spit a bit.

By the time Hyungseob had recovered, yelling at Woojin for being underhanded and disgusting, the disappointing jingle of a gutter ball played.

Woojin was grinning happily in response to Hyungseob’s resentment.

“You are a nasty cheater.”

“And you are a loser.”

Hyungseob made sure to complain lots and lots about being backstabbed so horrifically. He hoped Woojin would never experience a betrayal like that, but when he said as much, Woojin only demanded the biggest, most expensive milkshake Hyungseob could afford.

Hyungseob had never gone somewhere just for milkshakes and was amazed to discover a lurid pink restaurant that specialised in desserts and milkshakes.

“It's very pink,” Hyungseob said. “And glittery.”

Woojin looked up from the menu and flashed his snaggle tooth. Because he was unfair. “When I came here I thought of you,” he said. Hyungseob was very un-pink and glittery so he didn't know what Woojin could possibly have meant by that until he added, “I knew I had to make you buy me something.”

“That's stupid,” Hyungseob grumbled.

Woojin hummed in agreement. “Not as stupid as me thinking that it would be kind of cool to make you share something with me and then wipe whipped cream off your nose.”

Hyungseob felt heat flare in his ears once more. He lifted the menu higher to hide his face. “What sort of weird fantasy is that?”

“Don't you think it would be cool?”

“I think I really am getting sick,” Hyungseob muttered. He needed to change the subject to something less embarrassing if he wanted the redness he could feel in his ears to subside.

“You're sick?” Woojin asked as he snatched Hyungseob’s menu out of the way to verify. “Do you want to go home?”

Hyungseob absolutely did not want to go home, not now that Woojin had put such a stupid idea in his head. “It's not like that. I told seunghyuk and the others that I was sick so I couldn't meet up with them today.”

Woojin's eyebrows rose to hide behind his fringe. “You didn't want to tell them that you were meeting me instead?”

“I'm not embarrassed to meet you or anything,” Hyungseob said quickly. “I just wanted to keep this a secret. It feels a bit more special that way.”

It can't have been too much to admit to wanting their time alone to be special. Woojin had already said something terribly cringe-worthy about wanting to act cool and wipe whipped cream from Hyungseob’s nose. Wanting something that only they shared had to be normal.

He lifted the menu once more to distract himself from the quiet until he realised it was too quiet. There should have been some jibe flying his way but when Hyungseob looked across the table it was to see woojin flushed a deep red as he smiled shyly at the tabletop.

“Woojin?”

Woojin jolted and rubbed the back of his neck as he met Hyungseob’s gaze. “Uh, me too. I told my friends that I was sick too because I didn't want them to say anything weird about you.”

Hyungseob snorted. That was not something to look so pleasant about. It was rude! Hyungseob was offended! What weird things would anyone have to say about him? Hyungseob asked so he could find out whether to be more mad at Woojin or Woojin's friends but the look he got in response was even meeker.

“Well they wouldn't say anything bad about you. They would probably wonder why you would want to… hang out with me like this when you look like that.”

Hyungseob frowned. “What do I look like?”

Woojin averted his eyes and muttered, “Hyungseob, you're really handsome.”

That was the wrong thing to say. Hyungseob’s ears would never cool again. He was cursed to have bright red ears and a bright red face for the rest of his days.

“You're really handsome too! Why wouldn't I want to hang out with you?”

Woojin didn't answer, only smiled bashfully at the table until the waiter came to them.

Hyungseob was more than happy to order a huge milkshake topped with sprinkles, and wafers, and tubes of chocolate, and chocolate stars, and plenty of whipped cream stuffed with sparklers. He didn't need to try very hard to get whipped cream on the tip of his nose.

  


*

 

 

Hyungseob loved birthdays. On birthdays he was woken up with seaweed soup and rice that was mushier than it should have been and he was allowed to eat chocolate while his parents watched him open his presents.

The thing with getting older was that his presents were no longer fun things like action figures, and manga, and video games. This year his parents had splashed out on an expensive watch - which Hyungseob decided he loved as soon as he opened it - but the rest of the gifts were textbooks, and a graphic calculator, and socks and underwear intended for use throughout university. Hyungseob didn't mind so much because the presents were functional and he would invariably need them all, but it was difficult to fake excitement for the fourth pair of boring navy socks that he unwrapped.

Even though birthdays could be difficult there was still Hyungseob’s birthday meal to look forward to. Last year, Seunghyuk had made a guest appearance and dazzled Hyungseob’s parents with his multilingualism and knowledge of things middle-aged people tended to love. It had been irritating to inform his parents that the wonderful boy from last year had other plans and wouldn't be able to join them. It had been worse to disappoint them with the news that there wasn't anyone special that they should meet on his special day, but expensive foreign cuisine was expensive foreign cuisine and Hyungseob wasn't going to ruin the taste by being miserable.

Given it was the summer holidays, Hyungseob had to put in extra effort to see his friends on his birthday. He wasn't in the mood to have to watch Seunghyuk stick his tongue down Justin's throat today (he had successfully avoided all instances where this might be a possibility by limiting his social life, but it was extremely important not to fall victim to such sights on his birthday) so it was safer to stay home and not remind anyone of the date in case some friends attempted to throw a small party for him. He tried not to be disappointed that his best friend hadn't even sent a text filled with well-wishes but it was difficult not to be disappointed when he lacked other things to entertain himself with.

He lounged about the house and lied to his parents about all the fun things he was doing while they were at work and sneaked slices of cheese from the packet in the fridge that he had promised not to touch as he waited for his special birthday meal that evening.

By lunchtime, Hyungseob was bored out of his skull. An hour after making himself an experimental lunch of rehydrated chickpeas and kimchi, Hyungseob received a text.

It unfortunately wasn't a message wishing Hyungseob many happy returns, but Woojin's abrupt invitation was as good a distraction as any from the mind-numbing emptiness of his actual birthday. Hyungseob sent an immediate reply and tried to make himself look good in as little time as possible before dashing out of the house.

Woojin grabbed Hyungseob’s hand as soon as he opened the front gate and dragged him through the front door and up to his bedroom. Hyungseob felt predictably warm by the time he was in Woojin's bedroom but he didn't have time to cool the blush pulsing up the back of his neck.

There was a cake sitting in the centre of Woojin's bedroom.

“What is that?” Hyungseob asked.

“It's a cake,” Woojin replied.

“Right.”

Woojin shook his head and muttered to himself about how this wasn't quite right as he grabbed Hyungseob’s wrist and tugged him down to the floor.

“Happy birthday, Hyungseob,” Woojin said.

“Thanks. But how did you know?”

“Why wouldn't I know?” Woojin asked. Hyungseob didn't point out that he had no clue when Woojin's birthday was. Instead he pretended that the response was sufficient and he smiled.

“I can't believe you did this for me.”

Woojin dug in his pocket and pulled out a lighter. “I didn't get you anything good but I thought this might be nice. I wasn't sure if you had other plans though.”

“And you still bought a cake anyway?”

Woojin nodded. “I was thinking positively about it. I thought if I invited you over you would find some time during the day to meet me.”

“That's really sweet.”

“Yeah, cake tends to be sweet,” Woojin agreed. Hyungseob slapped his arm but there was no heat in the action. He couldn't believe this had happened at all. He had resigned himself to moping around and plastering on a smile for his parents. He hadn't expected that Woojin of all people had planned to celebrate his birthday.

“I was talking about you, not the cake.”

Woojin chuckled and set about lighting the candles.

“Have you thought carefully about your wish?” Woojin asked when he finished lighting the candles on the cake.

Hyungseob hadn't thought of a wish. Year after year he pretend to make a wish and joined in the clapping and cheering after the flames were snuffed out. Right now Hyungseob was feeling selfish. Woojin had done something very kind and Hyungseob wanted just a bit more.

He leaned down to the cake and extinguished the candles.

“What did you wish for?” Woojin asked.

Stupidly, Hyungseob opened his mouth and said, “A kiss.”

“A kiss?” Woojin squeaked.

“Yeah,” Hyungseob confirmed.

Woojin flailed a bit. He moved the cake out of the way and wiped the smudge of cream from his thumb and shuffled forwards until his knees kissed Hyungseob’s.

“If you tell anyone what the wish is it won't come true.”

Hyungseob knew that. He knew that revealing wishes was a jinx but Woojin shouldn't have asked in the first place. Woojin should have kept his mouth shut and instinctively known the wish as the magic worked to grant the thing that would make Hyungseob’s birthday special. It was already special thanks to Woojin, and Hyungseob was extremely grateful, but a kiss was the difference between a nice day and the best day ever.

“I suppose it won't come true then,” Hyungseob whispered.

Woojin smiled sympathetically and tapped Hyungseob’s knee. “It doesn't have to happen today,” he said. “Maybe your birthday wish will come true another time and this won't count.”

That wasn't what Hyungseob wanted to hear. He wanted to hear that Woojin would grant the wish anyway because he was already wonderful enough to buy a cake and make time for Hyungseob today. But woojin had gone to turn on the TV in his room and set up the Xbox.

They played FIFA again and Hyungseob tried not to think about what it had meant before when they played the game. They still had to take turns with one controller and Woojin's celebrations were increasingly shrill whenever either of them scored a goal. It was Hyungseob’s birthday. He should have been having fun without being burdened by his silly thoughts about what could happen. Before long he loosened up and couldn't stop his laughter from bursting out of his chest.

It was a far different birthday to the one he had expected to have, and after Woojin got bored of FIFA and cut up the cake for them to share, the sugar crystallised in Hyungseob’s mouth and left a taste more precious than the lunch he had made himself earlier.

Hyungseob almost didn't want to leave. But he had a reservation with his parents to get to. He tried to be casual about mentioning the time but Woojin was very quick and not casual about packing up the remainder of the cake for Hyungseob to take home.

Woojin was too good to Hyungseob. Hyungseob didn't want their time together to end.

“My family are going out to eat tonight,” he said as he clutched the box with half a cake inside. He felt embarrassed about asking but he had already started. He might as well carry on when Woojin was working hard to look interested. Hyungseob pasted on a smile and hoped this wish would come true without any candles. “If you wanted to join us we might be able to get a seat for you too.”

Woojin bit his lip and looked apprehensive as he played with his fringe. “Oh,” he said. That didn't sound much like the start of a positive response.

“It's alright if you don't want to. I just thought it would be nice,” Hyungseob said quickly.

“It's not that I don't want to,” Woojin said in the low voice Hyungseob never wanted to stop listening to. “I didn't think you would be able to make much time for me so I had plans to meet Jihoon and his friend to watch a film.”

Hyungseob knew well enough that Woojin had other friends. Hyungseob was supposed to have other friends too, which Woojin was nice enough to take into consideration, but Hyungseob still felt a bit hurt. It wasn't even a direct rejection, and the reasoning made sense. But Hyungseob’s friends hadn't even thought about him enough to send a meaningless message about nothing at all, let alone a happy birthday.

“That's fine, I hope you have fun tonight.”

“If you wanted to join us afterwards we might watch two films,” Woojin said. “Jihoon’s friend works there so he should be able to get you a ticket.”

“It is really fine,” Hyungseob insisted as he held up the cake box. Woojin had already done so much for him. It was silly of him to be thinking of making an extra effort as though there was any more that he could do. “Thank you for inviting me anyway. I already had a lot of fun here with you.”

“There is one thing that you should have before you go.”

Hyungseob hadn't forgotten anything so he had no idea what he was supposed to have. Not until Woojin took the cake from Hyungseob’s hands, and frowned down at the creases in the card where Hyungseob had gripped too tightly, and placed it on the hallway table.

Woojin stepped right into Hyungseob’s space, the gap between them minimal and Hyungseob hoped he was right about that disappearing. Woojin always seemed to be hotter than most people but the hands he cupped over Hyungseob’s ears were cool.

And then Woojin pressed his lips to Hyungseob’s. The pressure was hesitant as he pecked lightly at Hyungseob’s mouth and though Hyungseob wanted more he was much too scared to ask for it. He was the same, only kissing back lightly, unsure of how much he could take from this. And then it was over and though Hyungseob had wanted something deeper and longer he was glad he had reined his greed in.

Woojin was bright red and Hyungseob was glad his ears were not alone in their rouge.

“Happy birthday, Hyungseob,” Woojin said. He passed back the cake and smiled shyly.

 

 

*

 

 

Hyungseob only accepted the invitation to go on a picnic because he had nothing better to do. He had thought there would be blankets and finger food and a nice relaxed summery atmosphere. Instead he had to deal with two very drunk men staggering over one another before the group had even set off to find a place to have the picnic.

It was safer to stick with Euiwoong because aside from Justin's inebriated parents, Hyungseob had to put up with Justin and Seunghyuk being sickeningly lovey-dovey. Another drawback was the lack of food at this picnic.

Hyungseob was starving and all that had passed his lips were carbonated drinks and flavoured ice. At least his hunger was something to focus on instead of Justin pawing at Seunghyuk's chest.

“I'm sorry that I forgot your birthday, Hyung” Euiwoong said, clearly desperate for a distraction of his own. Judging by his expression he wasn't looking forward to the conversation and Hyungseob wondered if he really seemed the type to get mad about things like that.

“It's fine,” Hyungseob said. It wasn't really fine, and Hyungseob was the type to get mad about forgotten birthdays, but there was no need for him to make an issue of it now. At least Euiwoong was mentioning it now, so he must have remembered at some point over the past couple of days and been too ashamed to bring it up until now. It was more than some other people were doing when they had been much more involved in Hyungseob’s birthdays in years past.

“Did you do anything nice this year?” Euiwoong raised his voice over the elongated slurs of declarations of love between Justin's parents. Justin was just as shameless as they were because he was dozing through the ordeal.

“I had a meal with my parents, the same as every year.”

“Oh,” Euiwoong nodded. There was something that he wanted to add and Hyungseob didn't like the hesitation. He jabbed Euiwoong in the ribs and earned a scowl and then, “Usually Seunghyuk-hyung joins you, doesn't he?”

Euiwoong was right to be reluctant about bringing that up. Hyungseob was even less pleased that Euiwoong would remember something like that when he didn't have the courtesy to wish him a happy birthday at the right time (he was verging on furious about the fact that Euiwoong could recall something like that but Seunghyuk was decidedly ignorant of the fact) but Hyungseob was nice enough to let that slide. It was his birthday that they were talking about and Hyungseob had a very nice day. He got to eat cake because of someone thoughtful, and that thoughtful person even granted Hyungseob’s birthday wish. It was a wonderful memory and Hyungseob was thankful to Euiwoong for allowing him to relive it.

“Seunghyuk wasn't invited this year,” Hyungseob said.

“Right.”

“Well forget about that. I spent some time with Woojin and he bought me a cake. It was vanilla and white chocolate.”

“That's very nice, Hyung,” Euiwoong said politely.

“It was really fun!” Hyungseob said. “It was a surprise which made it even better!”

Euiwoong smiled slowly and his cheeks dimpled. “It's good that someone could do something so nice for you on your birthday.”

Hyungseob agreed, “Park Woojin is really great.”

Euiwoong’s smile turned sly. “Is he?”

Hyungseob felt his face heat up as he heard the accusation in Euiwoong’s voice. “He is. There is nothing strange about that.”

There wasn't anything strange. Hyungseob and Woojin had kissed but even if this was a good time in his life to explore romance, Hyungseob wasn't the type to flaunt it so insensitively.

Seunghyuk didn't care at all for sensitivity and had Justin's head cradled in his lap as they conversed in hushed tones. Hyungseob looked away because even if he was fine waiting until Seunghyuk was ready to be with him he couldn't bear to watch him kiss someone else.

“It is nice to spend time with Woojin,” Hyungseob said softly.

“You seem happier, Hyung, when you talk about him,” Euiwoong replied. Hyungseob nodded. He agreed even though he was uncertain of what the comparison was to. Euiwoong went on, “It sounds like he would be good for you.”

“I like him.”

Euiwoong’s smile softened at the admission. He looked just as gleeful but his face lacked the taunt. Before he could say anything too kind, Seunghyuk shrieked and shoved Justin away only to clutch at Justin's sides and tickle him.

The sudden ruckus attracted the attention of plenty of other people who just wanted to relax on a late summer evening. It was bad enough that “Call Him Jungjung” and “It's Nice to Meet You, I'm Eungi” were unnecessarily loud as they giggled about being in love. Now that Seunghyuk and Justin were putting on a performance, Hyungseob couldn't deny the embarrassment of his company. It was up to him and Euiwoong to offer awkward apologies to the revellers around them and he was thankful to be regarded with pity as opposed to disdain.

Hyungseob was well within his rights, once the younger lovebirds had calmed down, to say, “Are you quite done?”

Hyungseob hadn't expected any support from the older lovebirds who were wittering and giggling behind their hands. He was surprised at the glare sent his way from Seunghyuk who gently stroked Justin's hair.  “What do you mean?”

Hyungseob hated the question. It was as though Seunghyuk had forgotten entirely about each moment they had shared together: The closeness they developed all the way up until Hyungseob confessed and was rejected with a wishy-washy “Maybe some day”, the rebuilding of their friendship afterwards until Seunghyuk trusted Hyungseob not to fall in love with him again. Seunghyuk must really have forgotten everything if he genuinely didn't know why Hyungseob wouldn't want to see his messy displays of affection for someone else.

If Euiwoong remembered something like Hyungseob’s birthday arrangements there was no doubt he would remember comforting Hyungseob with platitudes on the day he was turned down. That was already a person too many who was aware of the situation. Hyungseob didn't feel like giving himself away to everyone else like that. He dreaded to think of the ridicule that would invite if he was already being indiscreetly laughed at for his distaste at the debacle he had just witnessed.

He huffed and said, “You're being gross.”

The immediate retort was about how cute Seunghyuk and Justin were. Hyungseob was not having a good time, so he was glad of some support from Euiwoong who said, “I suppose it depends how you interpret it.”

 

 

*

 

 

Hyungseob could tell something was different between Seunghyuk and Justin on the first day back at school. He hastily text Woojin to let him know they could talk more at school and squinted at how distant Seunghyuk and Justin were. They weren't holding hands as they usually did and Seunghyuk offered him a smile for the first time in far too long.

“You two are strange today,” Hyungseob noted.

“We are,” Seunghyuk agreed. He didn't supply any more of an explanation so Hyungseob asked him about how much of the Summer homework he had done. Seunghyuk was conscientious and even gave hyungseob permission to copy some of the work which was definitely strange.

It was not until Euiwoong joined them on their way to school that it was revealed that Seunghyuk and Justin had broken up. That wasn't fair. Hyungseob had pointed out the difference in the atmosphere yet he was fobbed off with a lack of response. Euiwoong’s question was answered immediately and Hyungseob didn't see why the treatment should be so different.

But Hyungseob was a good friend and the exemplify that he latched onto Seunghyuk's arm.

“What? When did this happen? Why didn't you tell me?”

Seunghyuk looked down at Hyungseob, bemused, and asked, “Why do you care?”

That wasn't fair either. Seunghyuk was really insensitive about things like this. Forgetting everything about how Hyungseob felt, the pair of them had a bond. They had stuck together since their first year and Seunghyuk was almost always the first person Hyungseob turned to. He had thought it was a mutual thing until this business with Justin started and suddenly Hyungseob wasn't to be trusted with news about who Seunghyuk liked and wanted to ask out. Hyungseob loved Seunghyuk and, before anything else, they were friends. Friends looked out for each other, and didn't shun each other after unreciprocated confessions, and celebrated each other's birthdays. It was ridiculous that Seunghyuk would need reminding of all that but Hyungseob had to do his duty as a good person.

“Because you're my friend,” Hyungseob insisted. “You need to tell me these things because I care about you! Is everything alright? Are you heartbroken?”

“I am not ready to talk about it,” Seunghyuk said.

“Whenever you are ready I will be here to listen,” Hyungseob said. Seunghyuk looked away. The shake of his arm was subtle but Hyungseob was sensitive enough to let go. “You don't even have to talk to me about it. We can just hang out and I can help you get over him.”

“You'll help me?” Seunghyuk said.

“Of course I will! Whatever you need to feel better about this, I will do it!”

Seunghyuk's pace slowed and Euiwoong and Justin could easily catch up with them. That wasn't good. It was better to increase the distance and help Seunghyuk heal a bit. “How do you know that I am sad?” Seunghyuk asked.

It was obvious and Hyungseob could only hope that Seunghyuk could identify the same about him. Or only Hyungseob had that ability because Seunghyuk hadn't done anything to remedy the forgotten birthday. Hyungseob didn't want to think anything bad about his friend so he pushed that thought out of his mind before it could lead to anything else.

He said, “You're really important to me, Seunghyuk. When you're feeling sad I just know. When you're happy I know that too.”

Seunghyuk gave Hyungseob a strange look and said, “I don't think that you know as much as you say you do.”

Hyungseob didn't know what to make of that.

Seunghyuk was ignoring Hyungseob. He didn't say it or act like anything was really wrong but there was an odd determination in his efforts to avoid meeting Hyungseob’s gaze. Seunghyuk could be as cryptic as he wanted to about what he thought Hyungseob did and did not know, it wouldn't change the fact that Hyungseob cares a lot for him.

Seunghyuk balked when Hyungseob moved his seat next to his on their break.

“Hi,” Hyungseob said loudly.

“Hi,” Seunghyuk replied warily. Then, “What are you doing?”

“You can't just push me away because you are miserable about being dumped.”

“I wasn't dumped.”

“What happened then?” Hyungseob pressed.

Seunghyuk rested his chin in his hands and muttered, “It doesn't matter.”

It did matter but Hyungseob was kind enough to drop it. He didn't want to make Seunghyuk break down in tears in his efforts to heal. It was much too early for something like that.

Hyungseob changed the subject and told Seunghyuk about the time Woojin had spent an afternoon seeking Hyungseob’s excellent tutelage in girl group dances so that he could impress Daehwi. Seunghyuk was clearly not listening and a spiteful part of Hyungseob - a part of him that stung awfully - wondered whether talking about his birthday would make Seunghyuk listen. Seunghyuk was kind-hearted by nature. He hadn't been very kind to Hyungseob recently but that must simply have been him putting in effort with Justin and then trying to mend things before they fell apart.

All of that effort was wasted now. It was pitiful and Hyungseob couldn't bring himself to try to hurt Seunghyuk like that. He had been pushed away while Seunghyuk was having his fun with Justin but Hyungseob wasn't cold enough to make Seunghyuk feel worse.

Hyungseob stuck with Seunghyuk all day even if he was mostly ignored. He tried to be funny and fill every moment of silence but Hyungseob quickly ran out of things to talk about. He found most of his chatter was about Woojin which only made Hyungseob feel guilty for ignoring the messages asking if he wanted to meet up after school. Woojin was understanding so Hyungseob tried not to dwell on it too much as he changed the subject to how much he hated their form tutor.

Hyungseob didn't really hate their teacher but even when Hyungseob was being a good student he was chastised for no reason. There was no point in the unfair treatment and it only made sense to Hyungseob to earn the disdain of the teacher and the rest of the class.

Seunghyuk looked almost as though he would react to this subject until they reached the corner of Euiwoong’s street.

Seunghyuk listlessly hugged Euiwoong with one arm at Hyungseob’s prompting but the second that Justin clutched at Euiwoong’s hand and told him they needed to talk, Seunghyuk marched off down the road.

“Choi Seunghyuk, don’t leave me behind!” Hyungseob called as he jogged to catch up. Seunghyuk didn't stop but he did slow his pace marginally. It took Hyungseob a few moments to catch his breath when Seunghyuk deemed the ground they had covered to be enough.

“Why did you run off like that?” Hyungseob asked. He tried to sound cross but he could only hear pathos in his tone. Seunghyuk frowned.

“I didn't run.”

“I'm not dying for no reason!”

Seunghyuk glanced at Hyungseob. “Sorry,” he grumbled.

They were nearing Hyungseob’s house but they still needed to talk. Hyungseob still needed to know how Seunghyuk was coping. He dawdled and ignored the flare of heat that burst across his face at the impatient noise Seunghyuk made.

“Is it because of Justin?”

“What?”

“The running away,” Hyungseob clarified.

“I already said that I didn't run away.”

“Yeah,” Hyungseob agreed. “But no matter what you say, what you actually did was run away. You're obviously hurt about the break up but I really mean it when I say that I am here for you. At a time like this you shouldn't be worried about being selfish with me or anyone else. When you rejected me -”

“Will you give it a rest?” Seunghyuk snapped. Hyungseob flinched in response but it was natural for people to lash out when hurt. Hyungseob pressed on.

“When you rejected me I ran away from you a lot. I had people to rely on and that is why I am okay with you now.”

Hyungseob chanced a look up at Seunghyuk's face and quickly averted his gaze from the uncharacteristic scowl he saw there. They reached Hyungseob’s house and Seunghyuk stopped walking.

“You aren't okay with me, you know.”

“What do you mean?” Hyungseob asked.

“You try too hard. You still think there is a chance, don't you?” Seunghyuk asked. “I wish you would get over it. I won't ever think of you like that, Hyungseob.”

“I know,” Hyungseob said. He didn't mean it. Seunghyuk was just hurt and annoyed. He was only saying mean things to pass on what he was feeling. Hyungseob could understand so he wasn't going to hold that against Seunghyuk. “We're friends.”

“See you tomorrow,” Seunghyuk said.

Hyungseob watched Seunghyuk continue down the road. He waited until Seunghyuk disappeared from his sight, which didn't take long at all, before he went into his house. Once inside there was nothing really to do aside from change into some comfortable clothes and hope Woojin wasn’t too annoyed by being ignored.   

‘ _Sorry I didn’t see your message! Maybe we can meet after school another time_ ’ Hyungseob typed quickly. It didn’t seem good enough for the slew of ‘ _How are you’_ s and ‘ _it would be cool to hang out_ ’s. He pressed send and decided that it was better than nothing. He waited and waited and went to bed feeling irritable. Anything would have been better than the silence from Woojin. Hyungseob supposed he should have sent a better message in the first place. His mood didn't improve when he woke up to a reply from Woojin reading, ‘ _I can't be here for you if you never reply to me_.’

 

*

 

 

Seunghyuk jolted from his desk and sprinted out of the classroom without so much of an excuse tossed over his shoulder for the teacher. There weren’t too many things that Hyungseob could think of as rational reasons for Seunghyuk to rush out like that. The teacher halfheartedly shushed the speculative murmuring of the students and Hyungseob was happy to blame that for pointing out the most obvious reason.

“I wish I had a boyfriend who was so devoted,” someone sighed.

Hyungseob frowned. He had suspected Seunghyuk had run off to see Justin too, but he thought it was awful for Justin to dump Seunghyuk and summon him at will. It was pitiful that Seunghyuk was so easily called by the person who had broken his heart. It was different when romance was involved, Hyungseob decided. Back when he and Seunghyuk were as close as could be, before Hyungseob had made Seunghyuk wary of him by confessing last year, there wasn’t anything that Hyungseob could have said for his friend to rush to his aid like that. There wasn’t anything Hyungseob could say to anyone that would make them race to help him.

Hyungseob couldn’t even concentrate as the classroom fell back into quiet and the teacher returned to making them read passages aloud in turn. He noted the page numbers down in the corner of his exercise book and promised himself that he would read over the information when he got home. His eyes kept being drawn to the doors to look out for Seunghyuk’s return. It seemed that Seunghyuk might not even return and Hyungseob glared accusingly at Sungyeon and Yewon who seemed to have a lot to say about Justin. Yewon glared back - or she narrowed her eyes and puffed out her cheeks in an expression which was far too cute to be a glare but too intentional to be anything else - and Hyungseob fixed his eyes on the book on his desk.

Hyungseob kept listening for something, anything that signalled Seunghyuk’s return. He was listening so hard that he was startled by the sound of the classroom door opening. Seunghyuk muttered an apology to the teacher who ignored him in favour of praising the wonderful fluency of the girl who was reading and hadn’t stormed out of the classroom.  

Seunghyuk dragged his feet back to his seat and slumped into his chair for the remainder of the lesson. He was unresponsive to Hyungseob’s gentle questioning about his mood and it was best to leave him for a bit. He had been standoffish with Hyungseob since the morning anyway so Hyungseob hadn’t counted on any touching displays of friendship for the day anyway. He went to get some air at breaktime, but he only got as far as the corridor outside the classroom. Hyungseob had intended to escape Seunghyuk and immediately encountered Justin. He hated how there was no reprieve.

Justin looked happy enough to talk to Sungyeon as she anchored herself to his arm. It was nice that Justin could treat Seunghyuk so carelessly and still make a nuisance of himself in a place that he shouldn’t have been. Hyungseob knew that Justin had been spending time with Sungyeon and Yewon just before the summer holidays so it made sense that they would remain in contact over the break too. He just didn’t think that they were close enough to be so close.

Hyungseob didn’t want to see Justin at a time like this but he still found himself approaching and ignoring the mounting dread.

“I didn’t know you were friends,” He said. Sungyeon flinched comically, redoubling her grip on Minghao’s arm. Minghao on the other hand had a steady gaze and regarded Hyungseob calmly. Coldly. He really was just doing as he pleased.

“I have spent a lot of time with Justin recently,” Sungyeon said. Her voice was sharp but Hyungseob knew that he could be sharper. Sungyeon was actually a nice girl, or that was the side she had shown since she joined the school in their second year, so it was far easier for her to be a bit mean by being marginally nicer to someone else. Hyungseob didn’t have anything against her until she added, “It is only good manners to befriend the lovers of your friends.”

Hyungseob felt like being mean in response. Sungyeon was nice, but she wasn’t close with Hyungseob. She hadn’t even been close with Seunghyuk until recently either, but that must have been her version of spite. Hyungseob narrowed his eyes and said, “If I recall, you weren’t friends with Seunghyuk either.”

Sungyeon looked up at Minghao and Hyungseob supposed that she didn’t have any suitable response. She looked back at Hyungseob and, emboldened, said, “I know what I said. I became friends with Justin first and then I became friends with Choi Seunghyuk.”

It was a lie, of course, but Hyungseob wasn’t about to point that out. What mattered was Seunghyuk sitting miserably in the classroom, creating a real stink with his foul mood, and Justin chatting happily with someone who was their mutual friend. It felt like sticking up for Seunghyuk a bit when he said, “So that’s why you’ve taken his side, right? Because you’re his friend and not Seunghyuk’s?” Sungyeon’s eyes widened in surprise and Hyungseob was glad to add, “They’ve broken up now so you don’t need to be friends with both of them.”

Justin gasped and Hyungseob lifted his gaze from Sungyeon to the frown sitting on Justin’s face.

“Are you not my friend now, Hyung?” Justin asked. That wasn’t right. Hyungseob never had any ill-intent towards Justin so to see him frowning sadly, almost as pathetically as Seunghyuk all of a sudden, wasn’t something that made Hyungseob feel happy.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Justin.”

“How did you mean it?” Sungyeon asked sharply. Somehow it seemed as though she had just won. She was the good person in this situation, comforting a sad first year while Hyungseob had said something that had accidentally turned him into a spiteful character in this little charade.

“I don’t know,” Hyungseob said. He couldn’t apologise now when it would seem insincere. “I don’t hate you or anything, Justin, I just… I was careless.”

Justin didn't look pleased with the answer and Sungyeon looked even less pleased as she dragged Justin away hastily.

Hyungseob hadn’t even thought about the fact it could sound as though he was taking sides. He was taking sides, because he would always be on Seunghyuk’s side, but even if he disliked Justin a bit at the moment it didn’t mean that he wanted Justin to be miserable about things. Maybe Justin was hurting over the breakup too and Hyungseob was being careless and hurting him more by discounting their friendship.

Hyungseob was feeling selfish. It was a feeling he was becoming overly familiar with, but he wanted at least a bit of comfort. At least to hear that he wasn’t terrible and that the mistake he just made would be cleared up easily. But when he reached class five, Woojin wasn’t there..

“Where is Woojin?” Hyungseob asked.

Jihoon slouched in his chair and tossed a flippant expression up at Hyungseob. “He said he had an emergency.”

“A lot of people are having emergencies today,” Hyungseob noted.

“What?”

“Oh,” Hyungseob said. Jihoon was squinting at him suspiciously. “It doesn’t matter. Do you think Woojin will be back soon?”

Jihoon only looked more suspicious at that and Hyungseob tried not to look like a shifty person with something to hide. He had his wounds and he had his burdensome feelings but pretending not to hide those was the best camouflage against Jihoon’s curiosity.

“I don’t even know where Woojin went,” Jihoon said. “How would I know when he will be back?”

“You’re right. Sorry.”

Jihoon’s mouth stretched into a grin and he sat up a bit straighter. “If you beat me I can tell him that you were looking for him.”

“Beat you at what?”

Jihoon shrugged. “Arm wrestling? I can tell him that you turned up here looking very kissable and you were upset that he wasn’t here to plant one on you.”

Hyungseob wasn’t sure whether that was something that he wanted Jihoon to tell Woojin. It was nice to hear that he looked kissable but Jihoon was probably just messing with him and would more likely tell Woojin that Hyungseob was ugly and snotty and demanding to see Woojin for no reason at all.

“I will pass on the arm wrestling,” Hyungseob said. “You don’t have to tell Woojin that I was here.”

Jihoon looked disappointed at that. “Are you sure? I will use my left hand if you’d like!”

“It really is fine,” Hyungseob said. He reluctantly returned to his own classroom and ignored the fact that he was being ignored by Seunghyuk.

 

 

 

*

 

Hyungseob didn't hear from Woojin for the rest of the school day and tried to convince himself that he wasn't disappointed. He had other things to worry about anyway. He didn't even care that much about Seunghyuk morosely sighing every quarter of an hour and not doing anything more to acknowledge Hyungseob’s existence.

Hyungseob had never meant to imply that he didn't consider Justin to be a friend. They were friends. They had spent lots of time together during the first few months after Justin joined the school and it was funny to hear his takes on things like acceptable drink flavours and suitable trouser leg to sock length ratios. Just because Hyungseob resented the closeness Justin had with Seunghyuk it didn't mean that Hyungseob hated Justin. Hyungseob was self aware to an extent. He knew that he had been grumpy and unkind for a lot of the time that he had to suffer around the couple and he knew that Justin must have noticed it too, so Hyungseob wasn't about to act as though he had been nothing but saintly, but it didn't mean that Hyungseob discounted everything that had happened.

When Seunghyuk sighed for the millionth time that afternoon, Hyungseob endeavoured to do something about part of the problem. He was going to leave Seunghyuk to wallow for a while longer, to prove that he wasn't still holding out for something that would never happen, and try to resolve things with Justin. If Hyungseob could do something to help Seunghyuk's part of the situation too then Hyungseob wouldn't pass on the opportunity.

As soon as the bell rang for the end of school, Hyungseob made for his escape. Jihoon seemed to have the same idea and narrowly avoided colliding with him in the corridor. He held Hyungseob’s arms steady and smiled as though he had done something praiseworthy. That was not the case as Hyungseob was in a rush and Jihoon was keeping him hanging around so Seunghyuk (or worse Sungyeon who had glared snottily at Hyungseob all afternoon) could catch up to him.

“I told Woojin that you were asking after him,” Jihoon said grandly.

“You said that you wouldn't!” Hyungseob groaned.

Jihoon instantly denied it and his nails dug into Hyungseob’s arms through his blazer as though to reinforce the point. “I never said that. Anyway you _were_ asking after him and I think he would want to know about it considering.”

Hyungseob stopped struggling against Jihoon’s hold and Jihoon looked tranquil in his triumph. It was an awful expression but Hyungseob realised that despite the rush he had assumed Jihoon to be in, he would have to suffer through it. He asked, “Considering what?”

“What a silly question,” Jihoon scoffed. “Considering you're practically dating.”

Hyungseob wasn't certain whether it would be better for Seunghyuk to have barged past him by accident or on purpose. Seunghyuk's bag clipped Hyungseob sharply and he stumbled into Jihoon’s chest as he tried to remember how to make his mouth work. Jihoon sighed sympathetically and patted Hyungseob’s shoulder.

“I know, I'm surprised that it isn't official too, especially with the way you both carry on.”

“Shut up,” Hyungseob finally managed to hiss. Jihoon frowned.

“How about you shut up, Hyungseob. I'm not the only one sick of your motor mouth. Woojin says you talk too much as well, just so you know.”

Hyungseob wondered what he had ever done to Park Jihoon to deserve this. Seunghyuk was still within earshot as the corridor flooded with students and Hyungseob’s headstart washed away pathetically. Hyungseob didn't want to hear that people were sick of his talking, not when he had more of it to do.

“Jihoon, I really do need to be somewhere,” Hyungseob said as politely as he could. He wasn't very polite at all and Jihoon repaid him with equal treatment.

“I have somewhere to be too, you dolt,” Jihoon grumbled. He pinched Hyungseob’s arm for good measure and Hyungseob made sure to cry out extra loudly in case a teacher was nearby. No teachers came to Hyungseob’s aid and no students did either. Jihoon pinched Hyungseob even harder and continued, “Woojin and I decided to invite you to the cinema with us but if you're going to be like this you can bog off.”

“Why would I be invited?”

Jihoon shrugged. “Woojin misses you or something.” Jihoon made sure to roll his eyes and scoff as though he couldn't believe his own words. “And my friend works at the cinema so he gets us in for free.”

Hyungseob remembered that on his birthday Woojin had made plans to go to the cinema with Jihoon. Hyungseob didn't go to the cinema often and preferred to watch films at home on his computer where he could pause the film and sneak more snacks and cheese out of the fridge whenever he wanted. But it would have been nice to go with Woojin and laugh about bad acting and pick apart the story together. Instead Hyungseob had other plans again and he was going to have to miss out.

“Sorry,” he said. “I really can't come today.”

“Whatever. have fun with your other plans,” Jihoon said. He patted Hyungseob on the back roughly and took off down the corridor, yelling over the din for people to make way and using his bag to push people out of the way when they didn't listen.

Hyungseob had to make haste too. He watched Seunghyuk disappear down the stairs before he realised he needed to get a move on. Taking cues from Jihoon, Hyungseob battled his way through the crowd with his bag so that he could catch up with Sseunghyuk. He was desperately out of breath by the time he caught up.

“Seunghyuk!” Hyungseob gasped as he was close enough to grip Seunghyuk's arm. Seunghyuk wasn't perturbed and continued down the stairs as though Hyungseob was too insignificant to be a bother. The students grumbling behind disagreed and Hyungseob wasn't sure which was better. He could barely walk down the stairs properly whilst clinging so tightly to Seunghyuk but he managed as he said, “I'm not going out with Woojin.”

“Why are you telling me?”

“Because I don't want you to think things that aren't true.”

They reached the bottom of the stairs without anyone falling and breaking their neck, which was a small success that paled in comparison to the disdain in Seunghyuk's expression. “What is it that you want me to think? That I should be happy about you still waiting for me to fall in love with you?”

Hyungseob realised that it was silly for him to have stopped Seunghyuk at all. He should have been glad that Seunghyuk heard that he was seeing Woojin. Maybe if left without an explanation he would have had time to think about the repercussions of that. Maybe it would have been Seunghyuk's turn to be hurt.

Hyungseob let go of Seunghyuk's arm. “I forgot that I am not supposed to talk to you.”

“Don't you think it's a bit late to play hard to get?”

Hyungseob was the bigger person so he absolutely didn't hope something horrible happened to Seunghyuk while he was left behind. Hyungseob was already dying but he had to be quick. He ran out of the school and spotted Justin walking towards the gate. Justin was slow and his head was hanging forlornly.

Justin looked like he had seen a ghost when Hyungseob grabbed onto his arm to make him stop. After a second recognition set in but his expression seemed to hope that Hyungseob was a haunting apparition. “Hyung?”

Hyungseob knew the feeling. He wished that Seunghyuk slowly approaching was a ghost instead of a difficult friend. Even worse, Euiwoong was jogging out of the school, laughing about some sort of race that Hyungseob had won. Except Hyungseob was nothing but a loser and he wished that he could win anything meaningful.

Euiwoong patted Seunghyuk on the back jovially, muttered something about losers before looking from Hyungseob’s face to Justin’s. “You look serious.”

Of course that would be the case. Hyungseob had to be serious. He wanted to do something good and attempt to clear some of this mess up. He couldn’t have Euiwoong’s disarming smile and Seunghyuk’s stubbornness disrupting things. Hyungseob tightened his grip on Justin and smiled up at him in hopes that it wouldn’t frighten Justin away.

“I have an urgent appointment with Justin.”

Euiwoong frowned so Hyungseob smiled at him. The smile wasn’t well received and Hyungseob had to mouth “it’s fine” before Euiwoong stopped looking so wary.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” He said. His tentative smile slipped when his gaze passed over Justin and he followed Seunghyuk who was long gone.

“Justin, we need to go somewhere to talk,” Hyungseob said. He had somewhere in mind that wasn’t too far from the school and it wouldn’t take Justin too far out of his way home.

There was a play area around five minutes away from their school. Woojin had brought him here a few times when Hyungseob had wanted to skip out on seeing Justin and Seunghyuk nuzzling each other’s faces or whatever it is that they thought was appropriate to do in front of their friends.

The park was busy, as usual, but Hyungseob already knew where they should go. There was a large shady tree with wide green leaves which hardly ever dropped caterpillars on Hyungseob’s head. It was a different matter for Woojin who had been victim to multiple airborne caterpillars recently and a spiteful part of Hyungseob might have hoped to manipulate Justin’s fate in the same direction.

Justin sat where Hyungseob gestured and there were no early signs of caterpillars so Hyungseob decided he might as well address why they had to talk. Justin looked nervous as his eyes darted around, following flying bugs or the distant joy of children. Hyungseob would have loved to comfort him but it was better to be wary.

“I’ll start,” Hyungseob said. “Do you still love Seunghyuk?”

Justin frowned for a moment and gave Hyungseob a long look as he digested the question. “Of course I care about him a lot.”

That wasn’t what Hyungseob asked at all considering how long Justin spent to think over the question. Hyungseob slapped Justin’s knee and knew that he looked a bit cross as he said, “No. I asked if you love him. Just tell me.”

Justin hesitated again and he rubbed his hand over his knee where Hyungseob had hit him, as though it hurt and maybe it had hurt because the look in his eyes when he looked up at Hyungseob certainly seemed injured. He said, “I like him.”

Of course Justin liked Seunghyuk. It was very difficult not to like Seunghyuk because everything about him was so superficially perfect. He was smart and good-looking and very considerate until faced with something that he didn’t like such as a confession from a person he didn’t like romantically. Justin didn’t have problems like that and seemed to only ever have seen the good parts of Seunghyuk until whatever it was that made him break things off.

Hyungseob wondered whether it was too much for him to hope. Of course it was too much because Justin seeing something, sensing some affection for someone else would surely have had Seunghyuk seeking comfort in the arms of the person he was accused of liking rather than buffeting them away with harsh words and impenetrable malice.

There was no point in even trying to hope that things were favourable for himself, so Hyungseob had no expectations at all when he asked, “You’re the one who broke up with him, aren’t you?”

“I suppose I did.”

“Don’t you think you should stop calling out to him if you don't want to be with him anymore?”

Justin gaped at the question. Hyungseob hadn’t meant it in a mean way. It was advice. Hyungseob absolutely wasn’t hoping for anything and he just wanted to say the words because he knew as well as anyone that distance was vital in repairing things like this, yet Justin looked as though he had been doused in bucketfuls of caterpillars as he said, “I’m sorry. I just like talking to him. He is a person I have come to rely on.”

And maybe seeing the expression on Hyungseob’s face triggered recognition of himself so he couldn’t help the fact that no matter how hard he tried to convince himself of his own kindness he was selfish and desperate and he wanted to emerge from this into a life of kaleidoscopic beauty. He wanted there to be something good for him at the end of this suffering. Hyungseob didn’t want all of his rottenness to be the end and be stuck, stinking and decomposing under the weight of all the self-centred and misguided things he had ever done. He wanted to graduate and get the guy and live happily ever after in spite of all the flaws he would surely never lose.  

Justin was only two years younger than Hyungseob, but even with his deficit of two years he was far more successful than Hyungseob. And while Hyungseob was sluggishly rotten he was at least going to be honest about it to himself, why he wanted to aid the healing between Justin and Seunghyuk.

“But you dumped him. Justin,” Hyungseob said, “I want you to give Seunghyuk back to me.”

Justin’s voice wavered as he said, “You just said that I dumped him, Hyung.” He shook his head as though a ridiculous thought came to him and he added, “I can’t give him back to you.”

Hyungseob didn’t want to hear that. It didn’t matter whether Justin meant that he couldn’t or wouldn’t because the very notion of the denial was preposterous. Justin really had thought up something ridiculous, only Hyungseob was the person who knew exactly what that ridiculous thing was.

“Is that really what you think?” He asked. “That you don’t still have him? Justin, you called out to Seunghyuk and he rushed out of the classroom to meet you.”

“I won’t do it again.”

Hyungseob snorted but none of this was that funny. Justin really did seem so young with such a juvenile defence, making a promise for the future rather than paying any attention to what he had done wrong in the first place.

“Oh, do you think that is all it is? Do you not think that he is still looking for you to reach out to him? He’s my best friend Justin.” Hyungseob could feel his throat tightening up and he knew that he was never going to emerge from this beautiful and mature because he was blaming this on Justin when the larger part of the problem started before Justin even moved into the weird house next to Seunghyuk’s. But if Hyungseob wasn’t going to get past the issue he didn’t think there was much point in pretending he was capable of becoming more than this bitter gooey-mess that he had half-metamorposised into. He closed his eyes against the heat and the vague untruths that stemmed from his mouth as he said, “He was my best friend and you took him away from me. He doesn’t care anymore, no matter what I do or say.”

Justin was visibly uncomfortable, his eyes more active than ever as they cast about for help from the ugliness that was the only thing Hyungseob was capable of producing these days. Still, Hyungseob could feel his fate in the uncertainty of his limbs as he sat under this tree that had previously been somewhere he could waste half an hour with Woojin taking short videos that wouldn’t be shown to anyone else as they pulled faces and poked fun at one another. Hyungseob was jealous and petty and the desire to drag another person down to his level couldn’t be sated. He said, “I don’t compare to you and I don’t think that I ever will. Does that make you happy, Justin, that you stole Seunghyuk from me?”

Justin’s voice was clumsy and low as he asked, “Do you love him, Hyung?”

“Does it matter?” Hyungseob asked. The answer should have been obvious. The answer was obvious and Justin was just pushing to be difficult. Good. Hyungseob deserved someone to give him back what he was forcing onto other people. He sniffed back the rancid goo of his insides melting into something miserable and indistinct before he admitted, “Yes. I do.”

“I’m sorry.”

Justin apologised as though that really did anything. At this point Justin must be apologising reflexively in the same way Hyungseob reflexively looked to Seunghyuk for a smile or small gesture that wasn’t for him. Hyungseob chortled, stuffy and humourless because there was nothing funny about breaking down in front of the boyfriend of the boy he had been painfully in love with for years.  

But then Hyungseob stopped laughing because there was something infinitely less funny about being told, “The thing is, none of it was real.”

Hyungseob lifted his gaze to Justin’s eyes that were just as active in their guilt as they previously had been in discomfort. “What?”

“Seunghyuk-hyung was only doing me a favour,” Justin said quietly. “I liked Euiwoong-hyung and I stupidly thought that it would be a good idea to try to make him jealous. So I asked Seunghyuk-hyung to pretend to go out with me. We were pretending all along so that I would get noticed and we broke up because I was ready to confess. I’m sorry that I never told you.”

It was one thing that Justin never told Hyungseob, because in the same position Hyungseob probably wouldn’t have told Justin. If he was pretending something like that he would have wanted secrecy around the truth and an assurance of authenticity. But Euiwoong was the person that Justin liked and Hyungseob wondered whether he was in on it too since being confessed to. Hyungseob was really out of the loop, which was strange because the bigger development, the confession and subsequent rejection, had happened while Hyungseob was still hanging around with everyone. Nothing had happened while Hyungseob had spent a summer lamenting the lack of messages on his phone and tempering his joy at Woojin sparing even the most throw-away thought for him. It had been while Hyungseob had been trying to keep a close eye on his friends that things had changed and nobody had even thought to tell him.

It made sense for Justin not to have told Hyungseob but Euiwoong was someone who Hyungseob thought he could rely on to keep him informed. At this point it was silly of Hyungseob to get upset over the fact that Seunghyuk had hidden the fact from him. Seunghyuk had been brutish and inconsiderate about Hyungseob whenever anything close to romance was mentioned so it would have made sense for him to want Hyungseob to believe it was real and be hurt by the whole thing. It had worked. Hyungseob was hurt. It was a shame that Seunghyuk wasn’t here right now, getting rained on by the useless, ugly caterpillars as they binged on foliage and impotent regret, to see just how hurt Hyungseob was.

It was pretend all along, yet Seunghyuk was ostentatiously irritated by the ending. It was far different from how relaxed he had been around school when Hyungseob first elected to give them both some space. Seunghyuk was tense and angry and it was all because Justin had him even if he didn’t want him.

“It was supposed to be me.” Hyungseob couldn’t help himself. The words were seeping out of him with each ragged exhale and he wished that for all this searing pain he might eventually become something better than a snivelling glutton. He rubbed at the tears on his face but his blazer sleeves trailed through the snot leaking out of his nose and he was only spreading it around his face, redundant and revolting.

“We were supposed to go to university together,” Hyungseob said, rubbing more insistently at the mess on his face. Justin patted his shoulder gingerly but even Hyungseob knew that he wasn’t too good for this brand of pity. “A-and that was when he would tell me that he wanted to try going out. He was supposed to go on dates to the library with me and walk me home after lectures and he was supposed to love me, Justin.”

Hyungseob didn’t want to see what sort of expression Justin was wearing after hearing the fanciful list Hyungseob had planned out for the future. He had seen it all just days after meeting Seunghyuk but he had only allowed himself to indulge himself in the fantasy the day before he confessed to Seunghyuk. It had been far more difficult to let go of the thoughts once he allowed them the bloom and he sustained himself on them entirely, devouring imagined coffee-shop dates, and knackering study sessions, and declining offers for blind dates, and learning how to make all of Seunghyuk’s favourite foods, and moving in together, and finding jobs at good companies and making their parents proud because they had grown into upstanding and happy people.

Hyungseob was nowhere near happy. He was just a nymph - immature not divine. Incomplete not unfettered - ugly and putrid and fixated on the dreams of wings that would never be his.  

People like Justin, people who apologised without batting an eyelash and whose eyes were filled to the brim with regret, were capable of living the sorts of dreams Hyungseob yearned to grasp. Justin had Seunghyuk who would have done anything for him, even scoop out great globules of his guts to carve a place for artificial affection, and Hyungseob wished he was better than spitefully thinking how Justin didn’t deserve the devotion even as Justin muttered, “It might not be you, but it isn’t me either.”

Hyungseob didn’t care who it was - who Seunghyuk liked, loved - because he would never be able to escape the inferiority of constantly being told to pack it in whenever he was too tactile or he looked at Seunghyuk for just a bit too long. He would never escape the viscous stasis of being unable to let go of Seunghyuk and yearning for someone to dilute his desperation and remind him how easy it was to breathe without worrying about a future that was far above him.

When Hyungseob got home, his head pounding thickly and heat pooling densely in his ears, all he wanted was for Woojin to let him know that it was alright to be ugly and mean and pathetic. Hyungseob didn’t want to be spiteful and he didn’t want to hurt people but he needed the assurance that even if he felt like being mean it didn’t devalue his humanity. But Woojin didn’t reply to Hyungseob’s messages and Hyungseob wasn’t even sure whether he would wake up anything remotely humanoid if he he fell asleep.

Hyungseob knew that Woojin was supposed to be watching a film with Jihoon, so realistically he wouldn’t be able to reply, but he kept trying and waiting. Jihoon had said Woojin missed Hyungseob. He had said it casually enough that it might not have meant anything but even when focused on what Seunghyuk thought of him, Hyungseob had committed the comment to memory and hoped that when he woke up, mildewed lace held together with ugly wire framing and a pitiful attempt at aping the beauty of truly happy people, he could still remember that Woojin had missed him when he was being selfish and ignoring him in favour of chasing a heart that was already too full.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungseob and Woojin do a lot of talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so I had to add a chapter and this one is shorter than the first but it splits better like this thematically lmao so I'll ask you all to be patient for a while longer as I write out the conclusion which is nice (whenever I manage to actually write more than 5 words), I swear!!!

Hyungseob woke up with a headache and spam notifications lighting up his phone the next morning. It was a struggle to drag himself out of bed and into the shower and when his parents finally decided that he had eaten enough breakfast he was even later for school than he thought he would be.

In a way being late for school was a blessing because he didn't have to wait for Seunghyuk and Justin before joining up with Euiwoong. He could jog to school with a brain crammed with worries about how badly his tardiness would be punished at this time of year.

Hyungseob had hoped that last night he had done enough to hide the fact that he was crying but within seconds of walking through the door after work his parents each interrogated him about what had happened. He was thankful that they worried about him so much but it wasn't particularly fun to twice have to admit that he cried because he was mean-spirited and heartbroken. His mum had fetched Hyungseob’s fluffiest pair of pyjamas which were saved for special occasions and made him gallons of hot chocolate and let him comfort eat the remainder of the block of Cheddar in the fridge as she told him all the things that made Hyungseob the most special and wonderful young man in the world. His dad had raged for a few minutes about the manipulative boy who was so nice to their faces when all he ever intended was to throw their precious son away. After a while his dad had joined in telling Hyungseob that he was proud of him for never getting into trouble and trying his best to be honest with them. It was all very nice and Hyungseob fell asleep in the living room and didn't even remember how he got into his bed that night. He can't have been carried because no matter how much they loved him, neither of his parents were strong enough to carry Hyungseob up a flight of stairs.

It was good to reminisce over the previous evening when his teacher told him he needed to learn to study as diligently as he lazed about. Hyungseob remembered that his parents thought he was a fantastic son and they were never disappointed with his grades even if they did start to slip behind the rest of his classmates scores. It wasn't an excuse Hyungseob would use to slack off but it was good to remember that not every adult wanted to confirm his fears about being lazy and below average in front of his peers.

When Hyungseob sat down at his desk Seunghyuk didn't look up from his textbook. He clearly wasn't reading the words, only staring at the page, and Hyungseob made a point of not paying him any mind.

Yesterday was in the past and Hyungseob had done all of his crying about Seunghyuk already. the conversation with justin was a turning point and Hyungseob was going to be better from now on. He wasn't going to let himself look stupid over a boy who had forgotten how to be nice to him.

Hyungseob had some self respect so he proudly didn't say a word to seunghyuk. He did well considering he was still feeling delicate after that business with Justin yesterday. He managed until lunchtime when he immediately dashed to find Woojin. Woojin's face was creased with focus as he was locked into a thigh-wrestling battle with Jihoon. Hyungseob went over and perched onto the desk beside the chairs they had set up to face each other. Woojin and Jihoon were evenly matched and as they struggled together Hyungseob felt sufficiently neglected.

“Hi,” Hyungseob said in case neither of them had noticed his arrival.

“Hi,” Woojin grunted.

“Hyungseob, give me your legs,” Jihoon requested. He sounded a lot more at ease than Woojin did and he tilted his head coquettishly at Hyungseob’s confusion. “Don't you want to help me beat Woojin?”

Hyungseob wanted to do no such thing. Woojin always seemed to be losing against Jihoon no matter what the contest so if Hyungseob got involved at all it would be to help Woojin and not the person who followed up with, “Your massive thighs are the secret weapons that will help me obliterate my arch nemesis.”

“They're not that big,” Hyungseob grumbled.

“Are you joking? These babies are huge!” Jihoon exclaimed as he forfeited the game and grabbed Hyungseob’s legs suddenly enough for him to shriek in surprise.

“What's wrong with you?” Woojin (the first time victor) asked as he lunged at Jihoon and swatted him. “Don't touch him like that.”

Jihoon spluttered beneath the barrage of slaps. “Why not, you're always talking about Hyungseob’s thighs. I thought I would see what all the fuss was about.”

Hyungseob didn't see what was so interesting about his thighs. They weren't even big really. Hyungseob just carried a lot of weight in his legs so it wasn't a massive topic of interest. But then he remembered that this was Park Jihoon talking and he wasn't above provocation for the sake of it.

“I'm sorry about that,” Woojin said awkwardly while pinning a possibly unconscious Jihoon to the chair. “I don't talk about your legs that much. Jihoon is exaggerating.”

“That's alright, I don't mind,” Hyungseob said quickly against the heat in his face. “But, uh, you didn't reply to my texts last night.”

Woojin leaned up a bit straighter and rubbed his nose. “Something came up.”

Hyungseob had something come up too, only he had waited hours for a reply that never came and ended up in a bigger mess than he wanted to be. He cleared his throat and asked, “What sort of thing?”

“Sorry,” Woojin said instead of replying. “Do you have some time tonight? I kind of want to talk about some things.”

Jihoon visibly flinched and he groaned when Woojin pinched his arm. Hyungseob could only imagine that Jihoon knew what this was about. That made Hyungseob more impatient but he knew Woojin well enough that it would be useless to press for more information now.

“Yeah, we can talk after school.”

Woojin smiled until Jihoon muttered something under his breath. “Why don't you shut up for once in your life?”

“Me shut up? When I have to put up with you being soppy all day long?” Jihoon sneered.

“I’m going to get something to eat anyway,” Hyungseob said. He was hungry and feeling a bit too tired to watch Woojin and Jihoon bickering for too much longer.

Hyungseob left quickly and went to the cafeteria and wondered whether he would be able to handle dining alone for the first time in his life. But Euiwoong was sitting at a table on his own, surrounded by textbooks and frowning down at the pages. He was better than nothing so Hyungseob pulled out the seat next to him and decided to build up the courage before going to buy some food.

Euiwoong looked surprised but didn’t tell Hyungseob to go away. He smiled pleasantly and rubbed at a pink patch on his cheek as he said, “Hyung, you’re going to eat lunch with me today?”

Hyungseob didn’t point out that neither of them had any food. He nodded. “What do you think about my legs?”

“What?” Euiwoong was still smiling but it was a more strained expression.

“My legs, Euiwoong. They’re not strange are they?”

“Am I supposed to have an opinion of your legs? They’re just normal, aren’t they?”

Hyungseob nodded. He thought so too. There was nothing much to discuss about his legs so there was no reason for anyone to talk about them, even if that ‘anyone’ was Woojin who hopefully had plenty of good opinions about Hyungseob.

“What is this about, Hyung?” Euiwoong asked as he squinted under the table at Hyungseob’s legs.

“If you liked my legs, would you text me back if I told you that I wanted to talk?”

“Hyung, I would talk to you whenever you wanted.”

Hyungseob frowned. “Not you. If you were someone else”

“And I liked your legs?” Euiwoong added.

“Yeah. And other parts of me too hopefully.”

Euiwoong looked scandalised. “Hyung, this conversation is getting strange. What is this about?”

Hyungseob knew it was a strange thing to ask about but he was feeling a bit muddled. It must have been an aftereffect of the day before. It was his own fault for doing something silly like admitting things he hadn’t told anyone else to Justin. It wasn’t like it did him any good. He wasn’t suddenly on level-footing with Justin. In fact he was sure he was in a worse off position now that he was a person who could be pitied. He shouldn’t have said any of that to Justin when he hadn’t even told the whole truth to Euiwoong.

“Euiwoong, I told Justin that I like Seunghyuk. I told him all the stupid stuff about how we were supposed to get married and have babies and whatever.”

Euiwoong winced and patted Hyungseob’s shoulder gently. “Hyung, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. But I’m a bit embarrassed. I told him that after he told me that it was fake. After he told me that he was pretending to be in love with Seunghyuk. Why did I do that?”

Euiwoong withdrew his hand slowly and held it to his chest for a moment before letting it drop uselessly onto his books. Hyungseob didn’t want Euiwoong to feel bad about any of it because it wasn’t his fault. He was only a bystander in Hyungseob’s desperation.

“When did you find out that the relationship was supposed to be fake?” Hyungseob asked.

Euiwoong hunched over his books a bit before he eventually said, “The day we came back to school after the holidays Justin confessed to me. He told me that it was fake so that there wouldn’t be any hard feelings if I accepted his confession.”

“That was two days ago,” Hyungseob said. Euiwoong nodded down at his books and Hyungseob frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me if you already knew?”

Euiwoong was quiet for a moment before he sighed and slammed his textbook shut. He stacked up the rest of them and stood up so that he could balance them all in his arms. “I didn’t believe it.”

“What?”

“You’ve seen them, Hyung,” Euiwoong said quietly. “It’s not fake.”

Hyungseob didn’t think it was fair that Euiwoong would be the one to leave when he had been using the table well before. He also didn’t think that it was fair for Euiwoong to leave him with that sort of information and disappear. Hyungseob decided he wasn’t that hungry anyway and returned to his classroom to endure the rest of the break sitting beside Seunghyuk.

Seunghyuk glanced up at Hyungseob only momentarily when Hyungseob arrived and it was more than he got that morning. He wasn’t being totally ignored.

“Are you and Justin going to go back to going out? Now that Euiwoong won’t have Justin and you won’t have me?”

Seunghyuk gave Hyungseob a long look. “I thought you weren’t supposed to talk to me.” Hyungseob was aware that he was staring blankly at Seunghyuk but he didn’t think he deserved to be looked at like he was stupid. Seunghyuk said, “That’s what you said to me yesterday.”

“Whatever,” Hyungseob said, pretending he wasn’t even a little bit flustered. “I’m sure you and Justin will have a wonderful time skipping home and holding hands together.”

“Justin didn’t come to school today.”

“Oh,” Hyungseob said. That didn’t matter. It did a little bit because he thought it was awfully unfair that he had to embarrass himself and pour his heart out and then drag himself to school the next day. He didn’t see why Justin wouldn’t have come to school. He hadn’t seemed ill yesterday. Or maybe he was struck down in the prime of his life with a severe case of second-hand embarrassment and it was up to Hyungseob to take responsibility for the ailment.

Hyungseob decided to feign innocence for now. Seunghyuk was right, they shouldn’t be talking. Hyungseob was just stupid and kept forgetting his promises to himself to stop talking to Seunghyuk. The easiest way to settle was to stick to the broken promise of not talking to Seunghyuk. It wasn't much of a challenge because Seunghyuk wasn't talking to Hyungseob anyway.

Hyungseob would have liked to say that he put his excess brain function to good use. He wasn't just ignoring Seunghyuk! The seat beside his was empty! Hyungseob never had a friend called Choi Seunghyuk! Even with the absence of a friend who didn't exist, Hyungseob was distracted. He still blanked out during the important portions of the lessons and his teachers were varying degrees of sympathetic when they told him off.

It was a welcome relief for the day to end. He took his time over packing up his things and when he left the classroom he discovered Woojin and Jihoon waiting for him.

“Hi,” Hyungseob said. Woojin frowned and Hyungseob already knew that his voice sounded ridiculously downtrodden considering he had only spent a quiet day at school. “Is Jihoon coming with us too?”

Woojin looked at Jihoon as though he had never seen him before and while he gaped Jihoon chimed in. “I won't interrupt too much of your date. I just need someone to hang with so I don't look like a loser while I wait for Jinyoung to be allowed to come out and play.”

“It's not a date,” Hyungseob said. Perhaps he was too quick because Woojin pulled a face, so he said, “Dates have to be proper. I have to be wearing nicer clothes for it to be a date.”

“It's not a date,” Woojin agreed. “We are just going to talk about some stuff.”

Jihoon snored loudly. “How long have you been married for?”

Hyungseob couldn't even formulate a retort - but that was because he was sad and tired and he couldn't help but recall his foolish thoughts of what it would have been like to marry Seunghyuk. Woojin was a completely different person who had only ever been kind aside from the recently ignored texts and Hyungseob wasn't even sure he would be allowed to have silly thoughts about a future with him when they hadn't talked about anything yet. They weren't even going out with each other. They had kissed but they were in a difficult to define place which was not helped at all by Jihoon’s jibes - and Woojin kept quiet as he slouched away. Jihoon looked put out that nobody responded but Hyungseob didn't mind that too much.

The three of them went to buy burgers and Hyungseob didn't feel even a tiny bit bad for not telling Euiwoong and Seunghyuk that he wouldn't be joining them on the way home. Hyungseob only felt good about gorging on a cheese burger and fries and stealing sips of Woojin's Sprite to wash it down.

Woojin didn't eat much, he only picked at whatever he could grab without Jihoon or Hyungseob slapping his hands away.

“I thought we were supposed to share,” Woojin said.

They were supposed to share but Hyungseob hadn't eaten any lunch and he had decided he was entitled to be greedy after what happened yesterday. He was kind though so he pushed his tray closer to Woojin.

“That's half eaten,” Woojin pointed out as he nudged the tray back towards Hyungseob. The burger was half eaten because two weren't enough but three was too many. Hyungseob hadn't slobbered all over it. It was still edible so if Woojin was going to turn his nose up at it Hyungseob didn’t feel bad at all for shoving the remainder of the burger into his mouth. He did feel bad when he realised he probably should have chewed at least a few times. Woojin slapped him on the back roughly. “Quickly drink some of this! You need to be more careful!”

Hyungseob was amazed that he lived through the moment of choking on the remainder of a burger while struggling to slurp from the straw that Woojin was jabbing his face with. By the time Hyungseob was appreciating the little things in life like not dying from choking on a burger (quite an embarrassing way to go and it was low down on the list of things Hyungseob would accept in his obituary when the time came) he realised that the only reason that Park Jihoon wasn’t on his way to visiting God with food lodged in his own windpipe was the arrival of his friend Jinyoung.

“Are you alright?” Jinyoung (who had never been formally introduced but Jihoon went on about him enough that Hyungseob knew exactly who he was) asked. Jihoon was right about his friend being handsome, but in the miserable brooding way which wasn’t all that attractive if Hyungseob thought about it. He preferred brighter expressions and hesitant smiles and someone getting annoyed at him for not chewing his food.

“He’s fine,” Jihoon said with a roll of his eyes. He shrugged his blazer on and stood from his seat quickly. “I’ll see you two losers tomorrow. I have an appointment in schooling this kid at karaoke.”

“Hyung, you’re not a good singer,” Jinyoung groused as he bid Woojin and Hyungseob farewell.  When they were gone, Woojin cleared his throat.

“Are you alright? Seriously?”

“I’m fine. Thanks for giving me your drink,” Hyungseob said airily. He sucked noisily on the straw of the drink that he had effectively stolen from Woojin. “Earlier you said there were some things that you wanted to talk to me about. It sounded kind of serious.”

“Yeah,” Woojin agreed as he scratched the back of his neck. He quickly dropped his hand and looked away.

There weren’t too many things that Hyungseob could think they would need to talk about. Their friendship was blurring in the most comfortable way, the cool uncertainty of how they used to be thawed by the drops of kindness that continued to warm Hyungseob to his core. It was alright to be happy that Woojin kept wanting to talk to him. It was fine that he was still chasing after a way to ask for another kiss, another wish that would be granted so chicly that Hyungseob’s heart wouldn’t stop fluttering for days. This was where they were meant to go, even if Hyungseob was still upset about Seunghyuk tossing him aside so easily and then Woojin not responding to the texts for help, there was a clear destination for the pair of them.

So Hyungseob was very obviously disappointed when Woojin said, “Your friend Lee Euiwoong isn’t very nice.”

“I’m sorry?”

“To be honest, none of your friends are nice at all,” Woojin said quietly. “I have heard everything that Euiwoong did to Daehwi. He’s the worst, but for Justin to have mocked him after that was horrible. And then there’s Seunghyuk and I really don’t like hearing how he treats you, but sometimes I feel a bit glad about it because you let all this other stuff happen to Daehwi. He doesn’t deserve any of that. I know you don’t either, but they’re your friends and you’re letting them do that to Daehwi.”

Euiwoong was one of the nicest people Hyungseob knew! It was ridiculous that Woojin would say that he wasn’t nice. He had been nothing but kind and supportive, even when nursing his own heartbreak, he listened when Hyungseob needed him to and they could relax easily together without having to think too hard about anything.

“Euiwoong is nice,” Hyungseob said. “What are you talking about? Did they fight about something?”

Woojin frowned. “Do you not know?”

“Obviously not, Woojin, what on earth are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about your friend - who is _not_ nice - meeting up with Daehwi in secret and giving him hope without intending to take responsibility.”

Hyungseob didn’t see what the point of talking was if Woojin wasn’t actually going to say anything. “Responsibility for what? I obviously don’t have a clue what you’re talking about so you might as well fill me in if you’re going to be like this.”

“Euiwoong made Daehwi do things that should only be done with a person that you love a lot. Does that sound nice to you? Daehwi is a good person who has only ever tried to do the right thing. All he ever did wrong was like one of your crappy friends. He came to me, crying his eyes out, because one of your other friends made sure that Daehwi never had a chance to make things work properly.” Woojin’s voice was harsh, frigid in a way that it had never been towards Hyungseob before. There must have been a lot that he had kept in to fester despite the sub-zero affection cultivating inside him because Hyungseob shivered at the look Woojin gave him then. “If you think that’s what nice people would do it’s no wonder that you still follow Seunghyuk around and beg him to be nice to you when you know that all that is going to happen is him kicking you away. If you’re wondering why I didn’t talk to you last night it was because I am getting sick of the things that your friends do.”

“You ignored me on purpose?” Hyungseob asked.

“I did. I had never seen Daehwi cry before yesterday. He was crushed. And I didn’t want to hear you cry yesterday either because that was something you have control over, Hyungseob. You’re choosing to get hurt like this. Daehwi is just an innocent victim here when your friends like to play with people.”

That was a unique point of view, Hyungseob supposed as he blinked back the heat in his eyes. He put down the drink he had stolen from Woojin, the cardboard cup was empty now and his throat was feeling dry from sucking up air when he tried to stop chewing the end of the straw.

“I needed you last night,” Hyungseob said thickly.

“Sometimes I need you too and you aren’t there. There are things that I think I need from you that you won’t even consider giving to me.”

“What do you want from me then?”

“I want you to properly tell me if you like me or if you’re latching onto me because the person you really like has someone else now.”

“Is that what you think of me?” Hyungseob asked. Woojin shrugged but his gaze didn’t waver as he let the question hang in the air between them.

They were sitting side by side, close enough to touch, and Hyungseob had never wanted to be further from Woojin until this moment. He wanted to escape to the ends of the earth so he didn’t have to hear things like Woojin pointing out just how pathetic he really was. He knew that it did look like he only turned to Woojin because he had no chance at all with Seunghyuk, but that was simply coincidental timing. Hyungseob really did like Woojin, or he liked the funny part that was often shy of defining the spaces between them as he coolly did things that made Hyungseob’s heartbeat stutter. He had grown to like Woojin long before that and it was simply the fact that Woojin happened to seek Hyungseob out more at the same time Seunghyuk moved further from Hyungseob’s reach that formed the coincidence.

As if to prove that his heart was genuine, and that Woojin could never be second best, Hyungseob said, “Justin and Seunghyuk’s relationship was fake.”

“Yeah, I know that too,” Woojin said. “Isn’t that worse? You couldn’t even steal your precious Seunghyuk away from a game.”

Woojin flinched when Hyungseob slapped the table, and it was gratifying to see his bravado quake even for a second. But it still wasn’t enough. “If you have such a low opinion of me, what are we doing?”

Woojin didn’t say anything for a moment as his eyes dropped to the table. The lack of reply was enough for Hyungseob to understand at least a little bit. Perhaps there was something that they had in common. Woojin was as close as could be with Jihoon but he often found a way to edge Jinyoung into the conversation. Hyungseob could squint a bit and create his own narrative as easily as Woojin could. Hyungseob could decide that they were recognising themselves in each other and showing pity in their own ways while they chased people who would never let themselves be caught.

“I feel sorry for you too,” Hyungseob said. “It isn’t just you feeling sorry for me. I feel sorry for you too.”.

“Why, because I like someone who is too stupid to realise what I would do for them?” Woojin asked.

“That’s right. You really are stupid, Woojin. I’m pathetic and you’re stupid. Does that make you happy?”

“No,” Woojin snapped. “Why are you making this about you? Don’t you even feel a little bit sorry about the fact that your friends have done so much to hurt Daehwi?”

“I’m not making this about me.”

“You are, Hyungseob. You don’t even care about how much this has all affected Daehwi. He is really struggling right now and you’re just trying to make me feel sorry for you.”

That wasn’t it at all, but Hyungseob wasn’t going to force the issue. He stood up and Woojin watched him, confused. He didn’t say anything though and that tipped the decision for Hyungseob. “If you don’t care about me to that extent you don’t need to talk to me at all.”

Woojin licked his lips awkwardly. Hyungseob didn’t even feel sorry that he had deprived Woojin of his drink. He deserved at least this much and he deserved to feel spiteful and make Woojin clean up the trays on the table even though he didn’t get anything to eat.

“Are you leaving?” Woojin asked.

Hyungseob nodded. “I know I don’t need to tell you this, because you don’t care about me, but I don’t want you to follow me.”

When Hyungseob got home that evening there was only one person he wanted to talk to and it was a person that he absolutely shouldn’t want to after today. He switched off his phone and did some of his homework instead of wallowing in the self-pity that was festering under the surface of his skin.

  


 

*

 

 

When Hyungseob managed to go almost two days without speaking to Woojin (a very long forty-one hours which involved an unfortunate amount of thinking about Woojin and making deals with himself where he allowed himself to eat a snack from the special occasion cupboard for each time he thought about Woojin without trying to contact him) he decided enough was enough. Two days was long enough that Hyungseob struggled. At school he was left with his apparently horrible friends minus Justin who had apparently come down with some sickness worse than the second-hand embarrassment he caught from Hyungseob, and when it was the weekend and he had nothing concrete to distract himself with, he saw no reason not to make things up with Woojin.

It was only when he arrived at the boarding house that he wondered whether he was welcome at all. He stood outside the front gate, stupidly wishing he had gone to spend his allowance on some food to treat himself with instead of actually coming here and not knowing how to get inside. He was already here and he knew that he would be disappointed in himself for wasting the opportunity - if it could be called an opportunity when it was something he dreaded - so he sent a text to let Woojin know that he was outside. He waited a few minutes and when he didn't get a reply he was as relieved as he was put out by the fact that Woojin didn't want to see him.

It was fine. Hyungseob didn't need to apologise for anything that happened - not the calling Woojin stupid, nor the getting upset - and after some awkwardness where Hyungseob might need to avoid Woojin at school for awhile he might even forget about everything. Before long not seeing Woojin will be as natural as breathing and Hyungseob will graduate, alone and more heartbroken than he wished he had. This was just another instance of Hyungseob realising how useless it was to hope he would break out of the misery that had cocooned around him in recent months as something more valuable than the fat, sluggish, loathsome thing he had felt himself become.

While Hyungseob was lamenting his failure as a human, the gate opened and Youngmin appeared with a frown on his face. As the eldest at the boarding house, and the defacto caretaker of the others, he had only ever been kind to Hyungseob so he reacted to the concern with a polite smile.

“Good morning, Youngmin-hyung.”

“How long have you been standing out here?” Youngmin asked.

“I just got here,” Hyungseob lied. Youngmin didn't look like he believed the words but he didn't question Hyungseob too thoroughly.

“Did you want to come inside?”

“That would be lovely,” Hyungseob said brightly. Youngmin looked a bit worried so Hyungseob wondered whether he was trying too hard. He tried to look a bit less effervescent with his next smile but Youngmin didn't stop looking at him as though he had sprouted several extra heads.

It only then occurred to Hyungseob that Woojin saw Youngmin as a confidante and the strange looks were a result of knowing too much about the situation. Hyungseob hadn't really meant it when he called Woojin stupid. He had been hurt and his expectations for the talk they had were obliterated when Woojin suddenly brought up things that he didn't know about. If Woojin confided in Youngmin then it made sense that Daehwi would do the same.

Euiwoong was something of a strange kid. Hyungseob had always thought so because he held even Hyungseob at arm's length while claiming to consider him amongst his closest friends. The distance existed for everyone, and Hyungseob had assumed that Euiwoong was simply a snob who thought he was being kind by giving other people the time of day. Hyungseob didn't know much about Euiwoong’s home life aside from the sparing mentions of two older siblings and the fact that he claimed to have some responsibilities in the family business that made it difficult to make plans outside of school hours.

Hyungseob couldn't imagine how getting Daehwi to sleep with him fit around those responsibilities, but he didn't think that Daehwi or Woojin had a reason to lie. The accusation didn't sound like something Euiwoong would do but Hyungseob couldn't assert any certainty over things that Euiwoong would and would not do.

There was no way that Hyungseob would claim any responsibility, but he could apologise for maybe being a tiny bit selfish when Woojin told him about it. Hyungseob would apologise and Woojin would apologise and they could make up and try to help their friends resolve their differences independently.

Youngmin was rushing out to go shopping, so he gave instructions on where to find snacks and apologised for the lack of cheese in the fridge - which was very strange because Hyungseob didn't think he had visited the boarding house often enough to have his snack preferences a part of Youngmin's consciousness - so Hyungseob supposed whatever he had been told wasn't entirely defamatory.

Hyungseob trudged up the stairs. It was his own idea to come here yet gloom settled into his muscles and his ascent slowed with his reluctance. Hyungseob was scared. For all he knew Woojin didn’t care about losing him as a friend and the argument they’d had was something necessary to rid himself of some excess baggage.

But Hyungseob was here now.

When he reached Woojin's door Hyungseob actually knocked this time. Just a quick rap of his knuckles that stung more than it should have and then permission to enter.

Hyungseob took a fortifying breath and everything was fine. No matter what happened, showing this sort of resolve could only be positive. He opened the door with a half-apologetic smile but his brain stuttered when he saw Woojin lying on his bed and cuddling Daehwi to his chest.

“Hyungseob, what are you doing here?” Woojin asked. His voice cracked and he sat up a bit, only to abandon that action when he remembered Daehwi. He clasped his hands over Daehwi but the connection broke when Daehwi sat up and shuffled to the edge of the bed.

Hyungseob swallowed back the sharpness of his throat, it became difficult to smile apologetically or otherwise. “Hi Daehwi, hi Woojin. I came to apologise.”

Woojin bolted upright and leapt from his bed. It was kind of cool how he could move so lithely when Hyungseob would have fallen flat on his face at any attempt to do the same.

Daehwi only looked a little bit interested as he peered over from the bed. Woojin dragged Hyungseob bodily from the room and closed the door behind them. He attempted to be quiet but his voice was frantic and high when he asked, “What do you mean? You're apologising?”

Hyungseob nodded. “We both said some hurtful things the other day. I think I acted rashly and got annoyed at you when I should have tried to listen.”

It all felt very nice to act mature now that Hyungseob had calmed down and found that he detested missing Woojin. Even if Woojin was staring at Hyungseob in confusion while wearing a threadbare set of pyjamas, Hyungseob had high hopes for them.

Because Hyungseob was mature (and quite possibly the bigger person) he added, “How is Daehwi?”

Woojin blinked slowly and said, “I wasn't saying all those things to try to hurt you.” He must have forgotten the part where he implied Hyungseob was pathetic for his failures at being a friend or anything else to Seunghyuk, but no matter how that stung Hyungseob needed someone. He needed Woojin so he shrugged it off while Woojin said, “Your friends really are horrible.”

“I'm going talk to Euiwoong,” Hyungseob promised. Woojin frowned.

“You still haven't spoken to him yet? So you had the chance yesterday but he is still going around thinking it is fine to do the things he did to Daehwi? To _Daehwi,_ Hyungseob! He isn't some rude kid who goes around upsetting people, he is a sweet kid who tries his hardest even though he is struggling.”

“I know,” Hyungseob said. He didn't actually know all that much about Daehwi aside from the fact that he lived with Woojin in the boarding house and he could be very loud when skipping around the school with Jeon Somi. Hyungseob didn't know anything about Daehwi’s struggles or how sweet he was, and maybe Woojin knew this because he didn't look happy with Hyungseob’s claim. “It is a difficult subject to talk about, Woojin, especially when I didn't even know what was going on. I am trying to find the right way to go about it. He is still a friend that I care about, even if he did hurt your friend.”

“If he cared about friendship I doubt he would have led Daehwi on like that.”

Hyungseob sighed. Truthfully he hadn't even attempted to talk to Euiwoong. He was scared of what would happen if it was true. Of course Daehwi wouldn't gain anything by lying about it but Hyungseob still didn't want to believe that the Euiwoong he had come to rely on had done something so bad. But talking to him might make things better with Woojin. Talking to Euiwoong might make Woojin pick up the phone when Hyungseob is close to rattling apart.

“I really will do it,” Hyungseob said.

Woojin nodded after a moment. “Don't talk about it when we go back inside. I don't want Daehwi to get upset by it.”

Hyungseob wanted to point out that there weren't too many other subjects that Woojin would have pulled him from the room to discuss, but Hyungseob was a better person for this moment. he was choosing not to let his upset from the days before to mar his efforts now. He agreed and things went very well for the second before Woojin opened the door to Daehwi blinking innocently at them both.

“Were you talking about me?” Daehwi asked.

“No,” Woojin lied solemnly, his hand clasped tightly with Hyungseob’s as though it aided the deceit.

Daehwi pouted sadly. “You were, Hyung, I could hear you.”

“Why are you listening to other people's conversations? Nosey.”

“I don't want you to fight because of me.”

Hyungseob supposed Daehwi really was sweet if he was pouting so prettily and imploring Woojin and Hyungseob not to fight on his behalf. Because it really wouldn't do for Daehwi to get worked up over this, Hyungseob said, “We're not fighting. We are only talking.”

“You're talking about the time I cried at school.”

Hyungseob looked to Woojin for help but he didn't get much support aside from an eye roll. “You shouldn't be listening to my conversations with Hyungseob, they're private.”

“You were talking about me!” Daehwi insisted. Hyungseob instantly changed his mind about how sweet Daehwi was. He was whiny and annoying in a way that was not charming at all.

“You have to go to your own room now. I can't trust you not to poke your nose into mine and Hyungseob’s business. We have important things to discuss.”

Daehwi didn't move from the doorway. Instead, he looked from Woojin to Hyungseob and said, “You're going to fight.”

“No we're not!” Woojin cried in exasperation.

“We never fight,” Hyungseob said reassuringly. He must have missed the mark because Daehwi regarded him flatly.

“Didn't you fight the other day? Woojin-hyung was very upset about it.”

Woojin hissed something at Daehwi and hauled him from the room as he dragged Hyungseob inside and slammed the door shut. Daehwi was still whining on the other side of the door but Hyungseob elected to ignore that in favour of staring accusations into Woojin.

“Were you really upset?”

Woojin shrugged. “Well… yeah. We shouldn't fight. Surely you already knew. Why else would you apologise?”

It seemed poor form to admit that Hyungseob thought Woojin was just sulking to upset him and not due to any genuine hurt. All the same, Hyungseob affected nonchalance and said, “I didn't know you would be _very_ upset.”

Woojin rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably and gestured for Hyungseob to take a seat on the bed. Hyungseob sat down daintily and wondered how much space he was allowed to take up.

“So we're not fighting now, right?” Woojin said. He sounded so uncertain, which was a shame because Hyungseob was used to him being much more easy-going than that.

“We're not fighting,” he confirmed. Woojin grinned through his relief. The flash of his snaggletooth did something strange to Hyungseob’s chest. His ribs felt like they had been stacked in the wrong order and his lungs could drop at any moment.

He got through smalltalk with Woojin safely. All his organs stayed where they were supposed to and he didn't say anything too strange. They just chatted like they usually did (“Donghyun-hyung keeps locking us out of his room and we're placing bets about what he has in there.” “Why do you think he is hiding something?” “Even when he was studying for entrance exams he let us come and go as we pleased.”) and it was nice. Things were better without worrying about the drama caused by other people.

Hyungseob hadn't felt this happy about things since the holidays ended and he was thrust into close quarters with friends who caused him more problems than happiness.

He was happy and being with Woojin made him feel pleasantly warm so when they ran out of things to talk about it only made sense that they would resort to kissing. In fact they ran out of things to talk about immediately after Hyungseob made exactly zero guesses as to what Donghyun could be hiding in his room and Woojin suddenly mentioned how red Hyungseob’s ears were. Woojin cupped his hands over Hyungseob’s ears (his hands were cool but the burning only intensified) and he pressed their mouths together gently. And then less gently.

This wasn't much like Hyungseob’s birthday. The kiss on Hyungseob’s birthday had been hesitant and chaste but this time there was more purpose. It was all because Woojin shivered when Hyungseob licked at the seam of his lips and Hyungseob grew more curious about what Woojin sounded like when he was surprised.

Hyungseob wasn't ashamed to admit that he didn't know very much about how to kiss but he trusted Woojin to guide him through it. It was common knowledge that Woojin had briefly gone out with Kim Sohye last year and she was an actress who, despite her young age, had appeared in many independent productions. Hyungseob hadn't seen any of them but he heard that there was romance and kissing involved so she must have passed on some of that skill to Woojin (unless Woojin was a natural, in which case Hyungseob was sort of hopelessly doomed to want to study every synaptic function that made him so good at this).

Hyungseob was the one to be surprised when Woojin gripped his shoulders and tipped him backwards. His arms failed but Woojin had him, lowered him slowly, and Hyungseob sighed into Woojin's mouth. Woojin chuckled quietly, hot and a bit too wide-mouthed and Hyungseob didn't know how much more he was allowed to take from this.

Woojin rolled to the side and pulled Hyungseob onto his side too. This felt strange without Woojin holding himself above Hyungseob, caging him in against the bed. It was a silly thought because Hyungseob had only felt that heat for a few moments, so it wasn't anything he was used to, and Woojin's mouth was still moving with his. Woojin's hands were on Hyungseob and the certainty of the hand at his jaw and the hand on his hip only made him more aware that this was where his inexperience was worrying. His mouth opened and his tongue followed the languid ministrations from Woojin but his hands were fisted in the front of Woojin's T-shirt - he didn't know what to do. He held his breath and prayed for Woojin to ignore the embarrassing snorts when Hyungseob’s lungs burned and he was forced to exhale and then suck in air that was too hot and heavy with Woojin's gasps.

Hyungseob had never been closer to another person than this. Never before had someone ventured inwards and intended to draw out the oddly needy whines that ignited his own ears. He wanted so much from Woojin. He wanted this feeling to go deeper so the centre of his chest inflated with strangled groans that slipped past Woojin's self-restraint. He wanted his skin to stretch out tighter as Woojin licked the remaining tension out of his body. He wanted Woojin to complete the job and coax every last oxygen molecule out of his body, make him even dizzier than this, force his brain to lose the distractions that plagued him even now.

Hyungseob’s chest stung and the arctic tingle in his teeth was at odds with the searing heat the pressed against his eyeballs. He squeezed his eyes more tightly shut but the heat seeped out and Woojin jolted back as he felt the molten misery dripping out.

Woojin sat up and swiped at some of the tears with his hands.

“Hyungseob, why are you crying? Did you not want to kiss me? I'm sorry. I should have asked first.”

Hyungseob pushed Woojin's hands away and sat up. It didn't calm anything down and in fact gravity quickened the speed of his tears. As hastily as he wiped away tears more streamed down his cheeks to replace them.

“I did want to kiss you!” Hyungseob insisted. He really did want to kiss Woojin. He liked Woojin a lot and it was nice if a little stressful. “I'm glad you kissed me, Woojin, it's just that my head feels a bit funny.”

“Are you hurt?” Woojin looked unsure of what to do with his hands and whether he was allowed to reach out. Hyungseob wished that he would.

Maybe if Woojin had reached out Hyungseob wouldn't have said something stupid like, “What if Seunghyuk hates me?”

Woojin leapt away from Hyungseob and took a few paces closer to the old television set. His body looked tense, his t-shirt strained against the unease of his shoulders and when he whirled around to face Hyungseob again the rage on his face was raw.

“Why can't I be good enough, Hyungseob?”

In all the time they had known each other Woojin had never shouted at hyungseob. He had whispered secrets directly into Hyungseob’s ear and traced words onto the palm of his hand and called him over from a distance and occasionally squealed for comedic effect. He had never shouted before. hyungseob was surprised, that was why his tears flooded out more easily, but Woojin looked even more irritated than he had before.

“All this time I have put up with your whingeing and bitching about how Seunghyuk keeps knocking you back even though you are so dutiful and loyal to him. I've really had enough of it now. You act like you are the only person in the world who has an unrequited love and my sympathy has run out. Being in love with someone who doesn't even like you back sucks. There are worse things in the world but this really hurts and I know exactly what you have been talking about this whole time. And, Hyungseob, I don't know if you are being dumb on purpose or you really just don't get it but you can't keep doing this to me.”

Hyungseob hiccuped. His hands felt itchy so he shoved them under his thighs to try to stop thinking about them. It didn't help. “What am I doing to you?”

Woojin threw his hands into the air. “Hyungseob, you idiot, I love you!”

“Um. Okay.”

Woojin folded onto the ground with his head in his hands. It was weird. This wasn't right. Hyungseob came here to feel happy because he liked spending time with Woojin, not to make him shout and get upset. Hyungseob liked Woojin. It was fun spending time with him so this was weird.

Woojin looked up slowly. “Is that all you have to say?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“This is what I am talking about,” Woojin said. “This is what you keep doing to me. I just told you that I love you and you said okay.”

“I love you too.”

“No you don't,” Woojin said flatly.

“I was surprised.”

Woojin shook his head slowly, like he didn’t believe a word Hyungseob had said. Hyungseob liked that Woojin did tend to believe him and side with him. This expression, and the confession too, he supposed, complicated things.

“I don’t get how you can be surprised,” Woojin said. “How could I not love you? Even though you’re as awful as your friends, I love you, Hyungseob.”

Hyungseob frowned. He had already apologised once and he didn't want to have to do it again, yet Woojin was saying horrible things again which would make Hyungseob say equally horrible things. It was difficult. He was glad that Woojin loved him, because he really did love him back, and that the kissing did mean something, but there were nicer ways of going about this. Hyungseob took a breath and tried to be the bigger person.

“I love you too, Woojin. I mean it.”

“You don't!” Woojin cried. “Do you really think that loving someone involves talking constantly about someone else that you will always like more?”

Hyungseob felt like he could easily be the bigger person. His talk with Justin must have done him some good and his brain felt clearer in this moment. The sludge of inadequacy that had clogged his mind in gluts and globules had diluted enough that he had found some clarity. He was almost whole now. He had almost shed the blind squirming and mindless gluttony behind and he could see things differently.

Hyungseob did often speak about Seunghyuk and how things were supposed to be, but not with Woojin. Woojin was someone who deserved to only see the prettier sides of people because he was so adept at bringing that out of the silken shell Hyungseob had hashed together. Woojin was someone who was fun and interesting and wonderful all on his own merit. He was a world away from Seunghyuk and the make-believe love that Hyungseob was so painfully jealous of. Woojin was a person who strobed over the thoughts of Seunghyuk with the brightness he carried to guide Hyungseob closer.

Hyungseob might have briefly mentioned wanting to avoid Seunghyuk a few times but it was never constant. He had never spoken that much about Seunghyuk. Not with Woojin.

“It's not like that, Woojin,” Hyungseob said. “I really do love you.”

“Then why is everything about him? I can't do anything to make you look at me more than you do at him. He even dated someone else and it was still him and not me.”

“It was pretend, Woojin.”

Immediately Woojin's gaze hardened. He climbed to his feet and opened the door to his room.

“You need to leave.”

“Woojin?”

“I’m serious,” Woojin said in a low voice. “If you don't leave now I will do or say something that I might regret. No matter how much I love you, I am not going to let you do that to me right now.”

Hyungseob wondered whether Woojin was worried about the right thing. Woojin could be angry enough to end everything right now. This must have been Woojin's way of preserving things for a while longer. The last thing Hyungseob wanted to do was to leave but things would be so much worse if Woojin decided that he had enough. It was for the best. Hyungseob was thinking clearly right now but even with a better frame of mind he wouldn't be able to say the right thing. He would worsen the situation somehow.

“We're going to talk about this another time, right?” Hyungseob asked as he walked to the door. Woojin shrugged in response. It was understandable. Hyungseob bit his tongue against anything spiteful that muddied his mind. He needed to keep this thing he had with Woojin in the best state possible. He smiled in the doorway even though his face felt stiff and Woojin avoided his eyes. “I'll text you when I get home.”

“Don't bother.”

Hyungseob walked away and was proud that he didn't react in any obvious way like punching Woojin or crying his eyes out while the door was still open. He managed to last until he heard the door slam shut behind him and he noticed Daehwi peering at him through the crack of the door at the top of the stairs.

The door slammed shut and Hyungseob carried on past the door and down the stairs until he heard the door open once more.

“Psst! Are you alright?”

Hyungseob turned slowly to see Daehwi crouched at the top of the stairs, his eyes wide with worry. Hyungseob smiled because it would be bad if he made Daehwi worried about him on top of everything else he was dealing with.

“Oh, hi, Daehwi! I'm just on my way home now. It was nice to see you today.” He thought he had kept the wobble of his voice in check but Daehwi frowned.

“Why are you lying to me?”

Hyungseob felt his chest swoop as though his lungs had continued their way down the stairs without his body. He hadn't really meant it about Daehwi being whiny and annoying, even as a private thought. He was even closer to tears at the prospect that Daehwi would tell Woojin what he had used his psychic powers to discover. Woojin would definitely hate Hyungseob forever if he knew what Hyungseob had thought for that brief moment and there would be no chance of repair.

But Daehwi hopped down the steps between them and clutched Hyungseob’s hand.

“You're really upset right now. You had a fight with Woojin-hyung, didn't you?” Daehwi's tone was accusatory but Hyungseob was glad to be able to admit to something like that. He nodded and Daehwi patted his shoulder kindly. “I'm sure he didn't mean whatever he said to upset you.”

Hyungseob mostly hoped that Woojin had meant it. He wanted woojin to love him even if he didn't believe that the feeling was reciprocated. Even if Woojin thought he was the only one in love and he hated Hyungseob in the moments that Hyungseob apparently went on about Seunghyuk instead, he wanted it to be true. Hyungseob wanted Woojin to want to preserve whatever it was they had by leaving things for a time when they would be able to talk without ruining it all.

But Daehwi was just trying to help and must have thought Woojin had said something truly horrible. He was a sweet kid and Hyungseob didn't think he was a liar. Whatever had happened between Daehwi and Euiwoong still didn't make sense to Hyungseob. Neither of them seemed the type but Hyungseob probably wasn't the best judge of character. He hadn't thought of Seunghyuk as someone who would grow tired of Hyungseob and he hadn't thought of himself as being an awful person with awful friends.

“I heard that you almost never cry,” Hyungseob said. Daehwi looked surprised but confirmed with a small nod. Clearly Daehwi was better at comforting people than Hyungseob was but this wasn't the time to be discouraged. “I am really sorry about all the things that have hurt you recently.”

Daehwi shrugged. “It's fine, hyung. You didn't know.”

That was true but putting aside whether or not he was awful, Hyungseob knew what sort of person he was. “Even if I had known I don't think I would have done anything to help you,” Hyungseob admitted. “I think I would have tried to stick with Euiwoong.”

“Oh. Okay.” Daehwi's voice was flat (of course it would be disappointing to hear something like that) and he looked away as though searching for an excuse to leave. They were still connected by their hands and Hyungseob tightened his grip to tether Daehwi for a few moments more.

“If there is anything I can do for you just let me know. I was wrong before but I want to put things right instead of letting you suffer.”

Daehwi looked hesitant at that. It was understandable because Hyungseob was on the verge of tears and he wasn't convincing at all when he claimed to never fight with Woojin. Before now Hyungseob had never fought with Woojin and he couldn't even be convincing about that fact. If he couldn't get a truth like that across well then it was no wonder that Daehwi didn't believe this.

But Hyungseob was genuine. He was going to talk to Euiwoong and maybe Daehwi would feel a bit better and then maybe Woojin would be alright to give Hyungseob a little bit more time to reorganise himself from the abhorrent gloop he was hoping to emerge from.

Daehwi shook his head and perhaps he sensed the inability Hyungseob had to actually do anything useful.  

“You don’t need to do anything for me, Hyung,” Daehwi said quietly. He glanced over his shoulder and turned back to smile stiffly at Hyungseob. “I hope you can stop fighting with  Woojin-hyung soon. You love each other so you shouldn’t take that for granted.”

Hyungseob was taken-aback by that but he nodded. Daehwi hadn’t said anything wrong and Hyunseob wished that he could let things happen easily. Woojin loved Hyungseob and Hyungseob loved Woojin even though he wasn’t quite able to do it properly. Hyungseob had hoped all along that his suspicions had been correct, that Woojin reaching out for him and showing kindness and affection might have meant something. Hyungseob had been too afraid to ask just in case he was misunderstanding things all over again, just in case there was someone else for Hyungseob to have to monitor himself around. But Woojin did love Hyungseob and Hyungseob was not going to take it for granted.

“I won’t fight with Woojin anymore,” Hyungseob promised. Daehwi smiled and hugged Hyungseob before telling him to get home safe.

Woojin loved Hyungseob.

Even though Hyungseob had been happy to hear it he was still a bit confused. He really had been too surprised to say it back to Woojin. He wanted to kick himself on his way home. He had been so nervous about Woojin not wanting to see him when he was on his way over that he hadn’t even considered that seeing Woojin would be so much worse.

If Woojin had told Hyungseob to go home immediately he wouldn’t have told Hyungseob that he loved him and then Hyungseob wouldn’t have been too shocked to answer properly. Hyungseob was an idiot. Blaming his stupidity on his current confusion was weak. Everything was jumbled and though he wasn’t gracious and mature and comprised of papillon prisms, Hyungseob no longer felt like a gluttonous hatchling trying to fill up the void inside himself by gorging on daily distaste. It should have been easy to reply that he loved Woojin too, because he did. If there was anything he craved it was Woojin’s easy touch and the rumble of his voice that Hyungseob could feel when they held each other and the quiet laughs and the loud ones and the softness in the gaze that fell on him. Hyungseob wanted all those things and he had them but he still couldn’t properly tell Woojin that he loved him.

By the time he got home there was no way for Hyungseob to deny his stupidity. The words were always inside him and they should have extracted themselves from the entropic broth that soaked his brain. Instead the words didn’t quite make it to Hyungseob’s mouth in time and spitting them out to salve Woojin’s abrasion wasn’t enough.

Woojin loved Hyungseob. That was good. It was great. But hyungseob didn’t know quite what to do.

Hyungseob loved Woojin but he hadn’t done much to show it. He had depended on Woojin and he had held him close and he had resolved himself to beg for morsels of time together but that probably wasn’t the same. He hadn’t expected any of it to be real, not after soft smiles and natural touches and pacts to remain friends forever hadn’t been what Hyungseob thought they were.

Hyungseob loved Woojin but he also loved Seunghyuk and he loved all the promises he had made in his heart to forgive Seunghyuk and give him time to reach that ‘some day’ that could have been years and years into the future.

When Hyungseob arrived at home he was still wondering whether that promised ‘some day’ would ever arrive. It was unlikely but chance could still have been on his side. If he remained steady now he might get what he has been waiting for all along. But he could be waiting for nothing. He could remain in Seunghyuk’s periphery, never quite reaching any potential that existed in himself because sticky wings still tacked to fragments of a chrysalis wouldn’t get him very far in life. There could be a day when Seunghyuk accepts Hyungseob and loves him back but there was still too much of a chance that Seunghyuk could one day accept Hyungseob and pity him as equally as he resented him. Hyungseob could reach that day and remember that someone did love him and his senses had been too dulled by stasis to appreciate it.

Hyungseob smiled away the concern of his parents when they commented on his lack of appetite. The lie came easily when he pretended the time he spent with Woojin had involved stuffing their faces with whatever food they could get their hands on. He was told off in the gentlest sense of the word and his portion of dinner was saved in the fridge in case he got hungry during the night.

Before going to bed Hyungseob was still thinking of that promised ‘some day’ and the promise that was his to take right now, the one that he should have taken already.

He hesitated with his phone in his hands before sending Woojin a brief good night message. The usual immediate reply didn’t come and Hyungseob didn’t mind it too much. Being ignored was what he deserved. He hesitated a while longer before texting a friend who was becoming something further than that as the days went on. They were still supposed to be friends even if they had slipped recently. It shouldn’t be too much to ask for some advice.

‘ _How long should you wait after someone tells you that they love you before you try to make it up to them?’_

Of course that too was ignored and Hyungseob wasn’t sure what he expected.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungseob properly moves on

Hyungseob was a kind person and a good friend. It was something he was determined to remind himself as he waited outside his house on Monday morning. He could see Seunghyuk approaching, strides solemnly slow as he made his way down the street in solitude. Hyungseob dropped his gaze and instead stared down at his shoes as he waited. 

It was no big deal. Seunghyuk was just being dramatic about his own situation when all it had done was cause problems for others. He deserved to be alone for a few days. 

Hyungseob knew that he was being needlessly petty, and it wasn’t good form considering the talk his dad gave him that morning about what a kind and wonderful person he was, how his friends were lucky to have someone like Hyungseob in their lives, but he was annoyed. There was no need to mope around so publicly and reject all of Hyungseob’s efforts to be friends. 

Seunghyuk stopped when he reached Hyungseob. He sighed and looked away. 

Hyungseob supposed this was the closest he was going to get to an acknowledgement. As a kind and wonderful person, it was up to Hyungseob to maintain the friendship that Seunghyuk was freely crunching beneath his feet. 

Hyungseob cracked a smile, even though Seunghyuk wasn’t looking, and he unfurled his hands and spread his arms wide in a greeting. Seunghyuk wasn’t looking but he flinched back anyway, as though he was worried that Hyungseob would try to hug him. That was fine. Hyungseob didn’t want to touch a person who couldn’t even spare a few seconds of his life to help out a friend who was struggling to monitor the rhythm of their heart. Hyungseob’s open arms were not for Seunghyuk so much as for the hazy heat of the air around them and the sounds of birds shouting into the breeze. 

“The sun is shining and we have our health as we are on our way to fill our brains with knowledge,” Hyungseob said grandly. He dropped his arms and gave Seunghyuk a pointed look. “And you’re like this, sulking and being a general eyesore.”

Seunghyuk scoffed. “Yeah, that’s what you think of me.”

Hyungseob raised his voice louder because he couldn’t be swayed by negative muttering and mumbling. “If you were going to be like this you should have confessed to Justin properly when you had the chance. There is no point liking someone and holding onto those feelings if you’re not going to do anything about it.”

Seunghyuk smiled, terribly handsome as he squinted his eyes. Hyungseob didn’t smile back. He quickly realised what the look being turned on him was. 

“I’ll be sure to listen to what you and your wealth of romantic experience have to say,” Seunghyuk said. 

Hyungseob started walking because he couldn’t hold back his scowl. He was a kind and wonderful person so he wouldn’t scowl even if people were being mean in response to his sincere kindness. It was difficult to hear Seunghyuk mocking him like this when what he said was right. 

So what if Hyungseob wasn’t successful in love? It was not as though he was unsuccessful because he had sealed his feelings up inside himself and let opportunities pass him by as he passively festered in his own fear. Hyungseob was unsuccessful because Seunghyuk didn’t love Hyungseob back even though he had given him so much hope. At least Hyungseob had been brave and made an attempt to reach out with his ineffective affections. It was more than Seunghyuk could say for himself. 

Seunghyuk kept pace with Hyungseob, of course it was easy for him to catch up with his longer legs, but Hyungseob wasn’t sure whether he should accelerate or not. For weeks now Seunghyuk had been making a point of avoiding Hyungseob despite their constant proximity, so intentionally falling into step with him was strange. 

Hyungseob was right to be suspicious as they walked together. 

“Is that it?” Seunghyuk asked. “Don’t you have more great wisdom to impart? Where did I go wrong that you have gone so right, oh great one?”

Hyungseob’s cheeks felt hot and his heart was pumping so slowly in his chest that he was sure his viscous blood would soon stop its lethargic sputters through his blood vessels. Walking to school together before the weekend hadn’t been so bad because they passed the time in near silence until they met Euiwoong and he conducted a stilted conversation where he never directly addressed either of them. Now that the weekend had happened, now that Hyungseob could be certain of Woojin who had always been there and hadn’t once gnashed at him with mandible barbs, it seemed stupid to try to accommodate the feelings that were long past their prime. For years Hyungseob had been so accustomed to the soft smiles and gentle voice and the affluence of attractive features that composed Seunghyuk’s being, but walking beside him now rendered all his milk-sweet fantasies to mould in his mouth. 

Things were different now, and Hyungseob could just about see how he was no longer the same as he was before. There was a hole in his stomach hissing for the impulse to swallow down mildewed declarations but he ignored that in favour of the freshly formed parts of his mind which compelled him to spit out the rotting desires he had clung to while he reformed. Hyungseob looked up at Seunghyuk. 

“Someone loves me,” he said. 

The words sounded silly even to Hyungseob, knowing that a person loved him and he had panicked and cried because it was strange and unbelievable that someone would want him in that way even though he had spent so long doing his best to make Seunghyuk look his way to no avail. But the words were true. Someone did love Hyungseob. It was rude for Seunghyuk to laugh. 

“What is so funny?” Hyungseob asked. 

“Have you forgotten? We’re not so different. Somebody loves me too,” Seunghyuk said. Hyungseob tripped and steadied himself quickly. Seunghyuk stopped too, still smiling even though there wasn’t anything close to kindness there. Seunghyuk gripped the strap of his bag tightly and said, “Or have you been lying all along because you’re sad and desperate for someone to lie to you?”

All this time Hyungseob had been desperate for Seunghyuk - enough that he would have accepted a lie - but there was no need for that now. Hyungseob wouldn’t lie to Seunghyuk either. 

“There’s still time for you to let him know how you feel,” Hyungseob said. But he wasn’t so mature as to not add, “If he rejects you and you end up living like me it will be what you deserve.”

He sped past Seunghyuk and by the time he reached Euiwoong who was playing with his phone as he waited, Hyungseob’s chest felt like it was expanding, his lungs over filling and pushing through the gaps in his ribs to reach for the much needed room. 

“Good morning,” He said. He sounded breathless and Euiwoong frowned at him before returning the greeting. Immediately afterwards he craned his neck to watch Seunghyuk approach. 

“What is happening?” Euiwoong asked. 

“Nothing,” Hyungseob grumbled. 

They waited for Seunghyuk to catch up before they continued their walk to school. Euiwoong tried a few times to start up conversations but Hyungseob didn’t have anything that he wanted to say and Seunghyuk only replied with enough disinterest that Euiwoong quickly gave up on trying to talk to him too. He gave Hyungseob a few sidelong glances but Hyungseob wasn’t sure whether he would ever admit what had happened to Euiwoong. Not just yet. 

When they got to school Hyungseob was almost able to breathe. Almost. He couldn’t go straight to his classroom and prolong his time sitting beside Seunghyuk and hating every second. He went to Woojin’s classroom. 

Jihoon spotted Hyungseob straight away and waved him over to where he had his feet up on the desk and was typing on his phone rapidly. And then he ignored Hyungseob. Jihoon could be funny like this so Hyungseob lowered himself into Woojin’s empty seat and waited for Jihoon to pay him some attention but when it didn’t come he decided to talk himself. 

“Who are you texting.”

Jihoon glared up at Hyungseob for a second before he dropped his gaze back to his phone. He carried on typing as he said, “What’s it to you?”

“Nothing,” Hyungseob said. “I was just curious.”

“I’m just talking to a friend. And no, I don’t mean friend in the same way you do,” Jihoon said. “I’m neither leading him on nor am I being led on.”

“I’m not leading anybody on,” Hyungseob grumbled. Jihoon leveled another glare at him and Hyungseob withered in Woojin’s seat. He didn’t much like the direction of this conversation so he decided to cut to the reason he came here. “Is Woojin here yet?”

Jihoon shrugged. “Are you here to lead him on again?”

Jihoon had always been a bit strange and even when he was being nice Hyungseob was wary of being alone with him. It was because he so easily said things like this and Hyungseob didn't know how to change his mind. 

“I'm not leading Woojin on,” Hyungseob mumbled. How could it be be leading someone on when any feelings were well and truly reciprocated? Woojin loved Hyungseob and even though Hyungseob wasn't positive that he really deserved anything like that he definitely loved Woojin too. He just wasn't really sure what to do with that. He had been certain that Seunghyuk would eventually decide that the friend who had stood beside him and loved him for so long was worth loving entirely and that was all Hyungseob had to count on. The rest would work itself out. He hadn't accounted for Woojin welcoming hugs and touches and loving Hyungseob without any hesitation. 

“You definitely are leading Woojin on,” Jihoon said with a note of finality in his voice. “You're not a very nice person, Hyungseob, and I don't want you interfering with my friend if you can't at least show him some common decency.”

Hyungseob doesn't know what to say to that. He hasn't dedicated much thought to common decency where Woojin was concerned. Woojin was funny and kind and handsome and when he smiled in the right way Hyungseob questioned things as certain as his skeletal structure. Woojin's smile when he flashed the subtle jumble of his teeth had Hyungseob’s carpals and tarsals tingling and unable to help him through things as routine as holding a pen and standing upright. Woojin's voice was warm and even though the climate was still warm it flushed Hyungseob with the pink heat which Woojin always commented on when he saw it in Hyungseob’s ears. Woojin kissed Hyungseob and told him that he loved him and it was difficult to think of how Woojin could do all of that if Hyungseob didn't indicate that it was exactly what he wanted. 

But Woojin had said something about Hyungseob not being a nice person with friends who were apparently worse and maybe Hyungseob did appear to be leading Woojin on. It wasn't intentional. He liked the attention and he liked the thought that maybe it could become a very comfortable and nice something. But he had also kept half of his senses out to hear news from Seunghyuk. Was Seunghyuk happy, was Seunghyuk hungry, was Seunghyuk still in love with Justin, would Seunghyuk ever love Hyungseob back. 

But none of that really mattered when Seunghyuk was so pathetic over a person who had played with him to try to make someone else love him. None of that really mattered when Seunghyuk wanted Justin and Woojin loved Hyungseob all the same. 

“What should I do?” Hyungseob asked. Woojin loved Hyungseob and Hyungseob loved Woojin but he didn't know what to do to make Woojin believe it. 

“You're asking me how to be a decent human being?” Jihoon said uncertainly. He was right, he was the wrong person to ask something like this. Hyungseob shook his head because that didn't matter. He could work it out eventually. 

“I really do love Woojin.”

“That's gross. Do you think I want to hear that?” Jihoon asked. 

“I think I should say it anyway,” Hyungseob said. 

Jihoon shifted in his seat and dropped his feet to the floor. “You shouldn't say things like that if you don't mean them.”

“But I do mean it,” Hyungseob said. “I love Woojin.”

Jihoon shifted his chair away but he didn't achieve much more than scuffing the floor and tiring himself out. “Stop being gross. You're disgusting, Hyungseob. Stop telling me about your nasty fake feelings.”

“My feelings are real!” Hyungseob said as he leaned closer to Jihoon. “I love Woojin!”

“Get away from me!” Jihoon yelled as he kicked out at Hyungseob. 

Hyungseob was under no illusions about how Jihoon viewed him. He wouldn't suddenly like Hyungseob just because he said he loved Woojin. But Jihoon was nice enough to give Hyungseob a sheet of notebook paper when asked so Hyungseob out lots of extra effort into drawing a heart around his message for Woojin to have a good morning. 

“Can you tell Woojin that I was here?” Hyungseob asked as he stood up. 

Jihoon rolled his eyes. “I think he might be able to guess.”

Hyungseob wasn't sure whether Jihoon would be nice enough to mention that he was here, just in case Woojin didn't see the note. He would come back later anyway so he returned to his classroom and didn't react to the long suffering sigh from Seunghyuk. 

That was fine. Hyungseob didn't care about Seunghyuk being lofty and rude about things because he knew that Seunghyuk was an idiot anyway. He might have laughed at Hyungseob earlier but at least Hyungseob had confessed to a person he liked and tried to make something happen. 

What Hyungseob did care about was Woojin not being around at break times. Between classes, whenever Hyungseob had a spare moment he tried to just say hello but Woojin wasn't there. Unfortunately Jihoon was often around to pull faces at Hyungseob and make vaguely threatening gestures. 

This went on into the next day too and Hyungseob pretended he didn't mind even though he put even more effort in his note telling Woojin to have a good day. He even brought his own fancy looking paper instead of getting Jihoon to tear a sheet out of his notebook. But he still didn't see Woojin at school. 

When Hyungseob asked, very casually because it wasn't exactly a big deal or anything, whether Woojin was actively avoiding him he received a withering look from Jihoon. “Would you blame him if he was?”

Hyungseob supposed that hypothetically Woojin might have grounds to avoid him, but only for a day. Two days was excessive because he wasn't even letting Hyungseob try to make things up to him. Woojin was just being petty by hiding so he can tell Jihoon about how awful Hyungseob was being. Probably. Hyungseob wouldn’t mind if that was the case because he was equally as petty and it would put them on more level footing that way. 

If Woojin was being petty that would be fine and Hyungseob wouldn't even hold it against him. Woojin had been so lenient with Hyungseob until this point, letting him be stupid and grumpy and mean, so Hyungseob would love to be able to do the same for him. 

Hyungseob wanted to tell Woojin that he was sorry and he wanted to make Woojin smile even just for a few moments if it made Woojin a little less miserable for a while. Woojin had made Hyungseob smile for a few moments enough times for the smiles to keep Hyungseob smiling when it mattered so it would only be fair for Hyungseob to do the same. 

But for now Woojin was still avoiding Hyungseob so he had to make do with leaving an extra note at lunchtime telling Woojin that he missed him. Jihoon rolled his eyes and Hyungseob asked him nicely not to throw the note away.

  
  


*

  
  


The next morning it turned out that Hyungseob was being avoided by Seunghyuk too. Hyungseob had waited and waited for Seunghyuk to appear at the end of the street but he never came. In their three years of routine, walking to school together in the morning and Hyungseob being mostly in love with the familiarity of having someone at his side, Hyungseob had never had to wait without knowing what was happening. 

It was up to Hyungseob to send the text asking where Seunghyuk was. 

Seunghyuk’s message came ten minutes later than Hyungseob would have liked and he didn’t much like reading it on top of his irritation. But it was fine. They were friends and things like this could easily be forgiven. Whether Euiwoong shared that sentiment was another story.

“Did you wake up late?” Euiwoong asked when Hyungseob arrived. 

Hyungseob sighed. “No. I was waiting for Seunghyuk. But he’s not coming today.”

“Yeah,” Euiwoong said stiffly. “He’s sick.”

“How did you know?” 

“He told me last night that he didn’t feel well and wasn’t coming to school,” Euiwoong said. 

It didn’t really seem fair that Hyungseob was the last person to know. He didn’t get the chance to ask why Euiwoong didn’t pass the message onto him because Euiwoong turned on his heel and Hyungseob had to follow without making a fuss. Euiwoong took long strides and walked at a speed that Hyungseob didn’t expect. But that was fine too.

Euiwoong didn’t respond much to Hyungseob’s small talk but he was in a mood so that was fine too. If Euiwoong wasn’t going to say anything to as simple a question as how he felt this seemed like a good enough time to talk about the thing Woojin had wanted him to talk about. He cleared his throat and hoped he didn’t sound too obvious.

“You should apologise to Daehwi,” Hyungseob said. Euiwoong regarded Hyungseob with contempt and looked ahead to follow the usual route to school. 

Of course Euiwoong would be annoyed by having to wait for no reason on the way to school. If Seunghyuk had a modicum of consideration he would have messaged Hyungseob earlier to let him know not to bother waiting. Because Hyungseob had to be the one to ask how long he should wait for Seunghyuk (and to be told to stop on all accounts! The audacity of some people to think they were worth waiting for! Hyungseob already knew Seunghyuk didn't want him and he was only trying to coax his heart into easier climes. They were fighting but they were going to be friends at the end of it. Hyungseob wasn't completely cold.) He and Euiwoong had waited unnecessarily. 

Euiwoong hated unnecessary things but Hyungseob didn't think being told to apologise to Daehwi was unnecessary. 

It was necessary so that Euiwoong could pretend to be a decent human and Woojin would maybe not hate Hyungseob. 

Hyungseob went on, “The thing is I have heard what you did. I really didn't believe it at first, Woong. I couldn't think of you as a person who would promise someone the world if they slept with you and then just toss them aside like they meant nothing.”

“Hyung,” Euiwoong said sharply when Hyungseob took a breath. The thing about Euiwoong was that he possessed a maturity that he shouldn't have had. It was in the wordless assurances he gave out, and the pride in his work ethic, and the refined parting of his lips when he laughed, and the weight of anger that currently settled over his face. Euiwoong was just a kid, but he was beyond his years in thought and fact. 

“Somi already slapped me the other day. I don't need to hear things about how evil I am from you too.”

Hyungseob balked. “I don't think you're evil. I just don't think you should be so careless with Daehwi.”

Euiwoong shrugged. 

“I'm not a person who can pretend to have feelings that aren't there. Everyone is acting like I'm wrong but I never promised him anything. If he assumed me wanting to have sex with him was more than that then it is Daehwi's problem.”

“You didn't tell him you loved him or anything?”

“Is that what you've heard?” Euiwoong asked wryly. Hyungseob shook his head. He hadn't really heard anything beyond the vague outrage of Woojin. Euiwoong sighed. “I wouldn't tell a person I could love them if I knew that I couldn't. I'm a bit like you, Hyung, in the way that you can't pretend not to love someone even if they don't want you to.”

Euiwoong's tone was far milder than the intent behind his words. Hyungseob kept his mouth shut and sniffed back the stinging in his eyes. It wasn't fair of Euiwoong to say things like that when he knew how deeply the feelings for Seunghyuk had nestled inside Hyungseob. 

Hyungseob had been trying hard to pretend not to love Seunghyuk so much the entire time he had watched him with Justin. Things were getting easier now that something inside him had changed and jostled the dying affection out of his cells. He was the same but somehow new because of the things that altered the very structure of his being. Jolts from his past could still hurt him, and Euiwoong must have known that even if he had put on a happy face and congratulated Hyungseob with each scrap of news about how nice it was to see Woojin. 

Hyungseob decided that he was going to be petty and stop talking to Euiwoong for the rest of the morning. Euiwoong deserved it even if he didn’t care. 

Euiwoong deserved to be ignored but by the time they arrived at school (later than usual but still with plenty of time) Hyungseob felt a bit guilty. He just didn’t know what to say to apologise sincerely. Apparently it was nothing he needed to worry about because Euiwoong stormed away from Hyungseob the second they passed the school gates. 

Hyungseob tried not to be too offended, seeing as he was the one who started ignoring Euiwoong first, and trudged to his classroom. And found Woojin sitting at Hyungseob’s desk. Hyungseob wasn’t sure he could be happy about Woojin being there because already his day was going badly. He didn’t want this to go badly too. 

Tiptoeing over was unlikely to improve the result of the interaction but Hyungseob gave it a go. Woojin gave him a funny look and Hyungseob supposed he did look stupid. He pretended he wasn’t embarrassed as he perched at the edge of his desk. “Hi, Woojin.”

“Hi.” Woojin licked his lips and dropped his gaze. Hyungseob wondered whether it would be strange to offer him lip balm. Woojin shuffled on the chair and cleared his throat before he looked back up. 

This was the first time they had seen each other since Woojin demanded Hyungseob leave his room. Part of Hyungseob wanted an apology because Hyungseob had been surprised and confused and he wasn’t really sure what to do when Woojin had said he loved him, but a bigger part of him wondered whether he should apologise and how would be best to do so. Luckily for Hyungseob and his uncertainty, Woojin managed to come up with something first. 

“Are you free tonight?” Woojin asked. “If you aren’t doing anything we could go on a date. Maybe.”

“On a school night?” Hyungseob squeaked. He wondered whether he was still sweating from the brisk walk to school or if this flash of heat that licked at his insides with enough intensity to set his face aflame was because of something else. “You want to go on a date on a school night?”

“Why are you saying it like that?” Woojin asked, his face red. “It isn’t going to take all night. It’s just a normal date.”

“Oh. I didn’t mean anything strange. I sort of have some homework due tomorrow that I haven’t done yet.”

Woojin nodded and stood up from Hyungseob’s chair. There must have been a fly in the classroom that Woojin’s gaze followed but Hyungseob couldn’t see it. He stopped looking for it when Woojin said, “Sorry. You said you missed me so I thought-”

“What?”

Woojin looked surprised at being interrupted and he stuttered a bit dumbly as he swiped his fingers through the hair on his forehead. “What are you asking me?” He asked. 

“When did I say I missed you?” Hyungseob asked. He wasn’t about to start pointing fingers but Hyungseob had been missing Woojin for several days now and he should have been able to guess as much before Hyungseob left a note at his desk out of desperation. 

“You left me a note?” Woojin confirmed. He sounded uncertain but there was no need for uncertainty when that was in fact the case. But Woojin’s shoulders dropped. “Was that not you? Was that a prank?”

“It wasn’t a prank. It was me. I do miss you,” Hyungseob said. It didn’t clear up the confusion on Woojin’s face. 

“You do miss me? But… you just don’t want to go on a date with me?”

“What?” Woojin’s eyes boggled when Hyungseob grabbed his blazer but things were getting strange and Hyungseob didn’t want Woojin to start misunderstanding. “I didn’t say I didn’t want to go on a date with you. I just have homework to do. You’re the one who read my note yesterday and didn’t do anything about it until today.”

“What about you?” Woojin grumbled. “We have phones. You could have text me or called me. Instead you left me a dumb little note that could have been from anyone. You literally just made me think it wasn’t from you.”

Hyungseob took a deep breath. “I’m going to ignore everything you just said. Help me with my homework at lunchtime so we can go on that date today.”

“Oh.” Woojin exhaled. His lips were beginning to curve into a smile as he lifted his hands cupped them around Hyungseob’s ears. “Really? You want to go on a date with me?”

Hyungseob dropped his gaze and tried not to think about Woojin’s hands at the heat of his ears. “It isn’t the first time, is it?”

Woojin’s mouth split into a wide grin and Hyungseob felt even hotter. 

“I could kiss you right now,” Woojin said. 

“Please don’t,” Sungyeon called over from her desk near the door. “I am sick of seeing people kiss at school.”

Hyungseob didn’t know the identities of all these people Sungyeon had apparently seen kissing around the school but part of him wished Woojin would kiss him just to annoy Sungyeon. Woojin didn’t kiss him. He simply grinned. “What if I kissed Hyungseob when we’re away from school?”

“As long as I don’t have to see it you can do whatever you want,” Sungyeon said boredly.

“You have to help me with my homework, remember,” Hyungseob said. This was embarrassing but not in a bad way. He quite liked Woojin holding him and talking about wanting to kiss him. This wasn’t anything like what Hyungseob had expected from the day and he supposed this was much better than moping around because Seunghyuk wasn’t even pretending to listen to what Hyungseob had to say because texting Justin was more important. 

“Don’t forget to bring your homework with you to my class later. We wouldn’t want Sungyeon to get upset if we did kiss,” Woojin smirked. Hyungseob knew Woojin wouldn’t actually kiss him at school. He wasn’t even sure Woojin would kiss him at all because they hadn’t resolved anything that had Woojin crying and telling Hyungseob to leave his house last weekend. But the fact Woojin could be nice like this was positive enough. 

“Woojin, can you come here instead,” Hyungseob asked quietly. “I don’t think we’ll be able to get much done with Jihoon there.”

“But Jihoon will be lonely on his own.”

Hyungseob narrowed his eyes. Surely Jihoon had other friends. He was annoying but he was the sort of attractive where people disregarded his annoyingness. He could survive for one lunchtime without Woojin. But Hyungseob knew saying that probably wasn’t going to do anything other than cause an argument when they still hadn’t properly addressed the argument that was still up in the air. So Hyungseob said, “But what if Jihoon challenges you to an arm-wrestling match and you abandon me?”

“I never would,” Woojin said somberly. “But if you’re worried about it I will get Jihoon to stay with Daehwi.”

“Alright,” Hyungseob said. That sounded fair enough and Hyungseob would do whatever he needed to make things up to Jihoon and Daehwi for stealing Woojin away from them for a day. They would be able to work something out. 

When Woojin left Hyungseob still felt too hot and Sungyeon kept sending little glares his way that he couldn’t even return because he couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that he was going on a date with Woojin! Today! 

Even if Hyungseob was annoyed at Seunghyuk for making him wait around for no reason they were still friends. So Hyungseob sent a text to share his news. 

‘ _ I have a date tonight! Wish me luck!’ _

Hyungseob didn’t mind that he was the only one who valued their friendship and he didn’t spare too much thought to the fact that he didn’t get a reply.

  
  


*

  
  


The thing about going on a date was that Hyungseob was going to spend time with Woojin all on his own. They had spent plenty of time alone together but this was a bit different. Woojin loved Hyungseob and Hyungseob loved Woojin and they were going on a date together! Because they loved each other Hyungseob needed to make an effort. 

Previous dates had been the pair of them pretending they were doing things that were normal friend things - sharing drinks and staring into each other’s eyes and kissing. Hyungseob hoped that this time would result in them making up properly and then kissing lots and lots. 

Hyungseob didn’t just put effort into his outfit (his jeans went on smoothly and he finally had an opportunity to wear the powder blue bomber jacket his mum came home with the day after his birthday and said would look very becoming on him) but also into parts of himself that Hyungseob hoped Woojin liked more than his clothes. Hyungseob knew his personality wasn’t that great and he hadn’t been particularly kind or considerate or even just understanding of the people around him but he could at least be grateful. 

“I can’t believe you’re taking me out on a date,” Hyungseob said when Woojin came to pick him up. Woojin smiled and Hyungseob felt a bit brave. “My parents aren’t here yet. Do you want to come inside for a little bit?”

Woojin coughed. “We can’t.”

“We can’t?”

“I want to take you out on a proper date,” Woojin said. He shuffled his feet and held out his hand for Hyungseob to take. “You’re wearing nice clothes and I don’t want you to look this cute and waste it on just me.”

Hyungseob wished he wasn’t wearing the bomber jacket. It wasn’t particularly thick but the layer of air trapped between his jacket and his T-shirt was verging on tropical.

“If I did look cute I only care about you seeing me like that anyway,” Hyungseob said. Someone needed to turn down the temperature of the sun because he was a bit too close to dying. “And you look really cute too. I think when we’re out I am going to embarrass myself because I can’t think straight.”

“You shouldn’t worry about that,” Woojin said. He looked quite pink himself and Hyungseob was about ready to fling himself into Woojin’s suave and sophisticated arms until Woojin added, “You’re almost never thinking straight anyway so I have plenty of practice dealing with you.”

Hyungseob pouted. “How mean.”

“I’m not mean,” Woojin asserted, “I helped you with your homework earlier.”

It was true that Woojin had helped with Hyungseob’s homework. Helping had mostly involved badgering Hyungseob’s classmates until one of them relented and let Woojin copy from their exercise book but the job was done and now Hyungseob could go on this date with Woojin. Hyungseob made sure his front door was locked and held out his hand. Woojin linked their fingers and tugged Hyungseob down from the doorstep and they set off. 

“So where are we going?” Hyungseob asked. 

“Daehwi told me about a place,” Woojin said. “He gave me a flyer and they have some special items on the menu and some discounts for sets of two people.”

Hyungseob narrowed his eyes and repeated, “Sets of two people?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Like couples?” Hyungseob pressed. 

“If that’s how you want to say it I suppose that works too.”

Hyungseob stopped and yanked on Woojin’s arm to turn him so they were facing each other. Woojin pressed his lips together. 

“Woojin, we’re on a date and we love each other. I think it is safe to use the word couple.”

“I don’t think we should yet,” Woojin said quietly. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to try this hard just for me and force things. Even though I was upset with you I was happy that you missed me. If you’re at least considering me I can be glad about that.”

Hyungseob sighed. The things he said didn’t carry too much weight to Hyungseob, not when Hyungseob loved Woojin back and Woojin insisted he was just saying it. But Hyungseob did love Woojin, too much to ignore how small Woojin’s voice was as he said his own feelings were secondary. Hyungseob had been chasing someone for a long time too and he knew how hard it was to try to be content with having no significance to someone you cared too much about. Hyungseob had eaten plenty of feelings like that before and only made himself sadder as he pretended to be happy that Seunghyuk only spared him fake smiles and thinly veiled disinterest. Woojin’s company had dispelled those feelings Hyungseob had gorged on, enzymes breaking down loneliness and inadequacy with smiles and genuine curiosity and invitations to please get closer. Hyungseob didn’t want to only feed Woojin the same sadness which had bloated him and left him miserable. Hyungseob wanted to devour those feelings for him because he knew how safe he would be with Woojin to squeeze his hand and make them all disperse once more. 

“I don’t deserve you,” Hyungseob said. 

Woojin shrugged. “Everyone deserves people who love them. I want to be one of those people for you.”

“I want to be one of those people for you too,” Hyungseob said. “I know you don’t believe me yet but I do love you. And I’m going to kiss you now and then we’re going to have a wonderful date. After that I will hopefully have come up with an idea to make things up to you for being an awful friend even after everything you have done for me.”

“Oh,” Woojin said. “You’re going to kiss me?”

Hyungseob didn’t mind that Woojin had bypassed everything else Hyungseob had said. As long as it was alright for him to go through with the plan. He cupped his hands around Woojin’s jaw and smiled at the way Woojin’s eyes fluttered shut against the redness of his cheeks. Woojin was really beautiful and his skin was so warm beneath Hyungseob’s hands and when Hyungseob kissed him he pressed closer and bunched his hands in Hyungseob’s jacket and maybe he was listening to Hyungseob’s plan to make things up to him after all.  

“You just kissed me,” Woojin said when they parted. 

“I just kissed you,” Hyungseob agreed. “Now we’re going to have a wonderful date.”

Hyungseob hoped to have a wonderful date but it was already a bit difficult when as soon as they walked in Hyungseob clocked a group of too many familiar people. Sungyeon raised her hand in a curt greeting as Yewon did a terrible impression of glaring, looking ridiculously cute for someone who was holding a grudge about something. Whether Woojin saw or not was uncertain but he pulled Hyungseob past the table by his hand to look at the glass display of ice cream flavours swirled into trays. 

Woojin pointed out flavours of interest and read out the descriptions warily. Hyungseob tapped him on the back and he straightened up with a frown. 

“Are you alright? Have you decided?” Woojin asked. 

“Um, did you see those girls from my class with some younger kids? And some older looking guy?”

Woojin, king of subtlety, stood on his tiptoes and craned his neck until he saw the group Hyungseob had been indicating sitting at a table near the door and he shrugged at Hyungseob. “What about them?”

“We’re going to stay away from them, right?” Hyungseob said. “I sort of upset Justin somehow and I think they’re all mad at me.”

“Somehow?”

“I got upset and apparently that was bad,” Hyungseob said vaguely. Woojin could probably guess what Hyungseob got upset about and it didn’t seem prudent to go into the specifics. Woojin nodded and patted Hyungseob on the arm sympathetically. 

“Should I say something?”

“No I just wanted to make sure we weren’t-”

“Daehwi, what are you doing here?” Woojin called loudly while waving his arms. 

So far the date wasn’t very wonderful but at least half of that was because of Hyungseob himself so he shut his mouth and smiled when Daehwi skipped over and dragged a friend with him. He looked well and Hyungseob hoped that he was so happy because Euiwoong had apologised and they had made up. 

“Samuel and his friends thought I might need some cheering up so they invited me out for some dessert with them!” Daehwi said brightly. He quickly introduced everyone to each other and Hyungseob couldn’t help but notice that Woojin was standoffish with Samuel. Daehwi went on as though he hadn’t noticed, smiling sweetly and adding cute gestures to everything. “I was jealous that you two were going to come here on a date and I wouldn’t have anyone to come with but Muel was nice enough to be my partner for today.” 

“Partner?” Woojin asked. 

“I can’t come here on my own, Hyung,” Daehwi grumbled. “This is an event for couples so I needed to pair up with someone and Samuel is nice.”

Woojin didn’t look convinced so Daehwi nudged Samuel to make him talk. 

“Daehwi-hyung is someone who looks after me well so I wanted to return the favour,” Samuel said stiffly.

“See, Hyung, Samuel is a nice person. It’s alright.”

“Are you sure?” Woojin asked. Right in front of Samuel. Hyungseob had made a name for himself being inconsiderate and mean to people but Samuel hadn’t even done anything. He was totally nice so Woojin’s aloofness wasn’t warranted. Hyungseob didn’t want to make things worse for this already nervous boy. 

“What Woojin means is are you sure you don’t want to join us? It wouldn’t be any trouble and it would be nice to spend some time together,” Hyungseob said diplomatically. Daehwi giggled. 

“You’re on a date! We couldn’t possibly intrude!” 

Woojin was very determinedly not saying anything as he stared at Samuel. 

“You’re the one who gave Woojin the leaflet aren’t you Daehwi? Maybe you could recommend something for us first,” Hyungseob suggested. 

Daehwi agreed while telling them that Samuel had been here many more times than he had, which was great information until Woojin asked if he meant Samuel had been on many dates here. Hyungseob wasn’t sure whether it would be better to let them stay or go if Woojin was going to be like this but they found a table (far away from the group near the door) and Hyungseob flipped through the menu and loudly asked Daehwi and Samuel for recommendations while Woojin muttered under his breath about something or other. 

Eventually Hyungseob settled on a candyfloss ice cream flavoured milkshake which took awhile to make but when it arrived the huge glass was filled with an emulsion of lilac and babypink milkshake imbued with silver glitter and topped with a swirl of bright pink candyfloss. Hyungseob didn’t like that he had to decide on his own with minimal input from Daehwi and Samuel but at least Woojin didn’t look disappointed when it arrived. The interest in his face faded quickly as he stared at Samuel from across the table. 

“Thank you for helping us to choose this,” Hyungseob said. “Are you sure you don’t want anything?”

“It’s fine, really,” Daehwi insisted. “We’re supposed to spend some time with the others over there. You’ve been too nice by letting us sit with you now. On your big date. How nice is this!”

“We’ve been on dates before, Daehwi, this isn’t that big of a deal,” Wooin muttered. 

Daehwi rolled his eyes. “Just because you thought they were dates it doesn’t mean Hyungseob-hyung agreed.”

“They were dates,” Hyungseob said quickly. “We’ve had lots of dates together. We’re in love.”

“I knew it,” Daehwi nodded sagely. “All this time you have been pretending you’re not but I always knew you were. I get to be best man at the wedding, right?”

“You’d lose the rings,” Woojin said as he slurped up some of the milkshake. 

“I would not! I would be so responsible! I would keep the rings safe and my speech at the reception will make everyone cry because it is so sweet and thoughtful. Just like me, the most sweet and thoughtful person you know.”

“If any of that was true surely I would be marrying you and not the actual most sweet and thoughtful person I know.”

Daehwi huffed. “If that wasn’t so cute I would be angry at you. I know you don’t really think Hyungseob is the most sweet and thoughtful person you know but the fact that you’re saying it in public is so cute. I want to be in love like you two are.” 

“You will be,” Hyungseob said. “You’ll find someone who loves you even when you’re absolutely horrid. You’ll realise that you don’t deserve them but you’re so happy for their existence that you don’t want them to find someone who really is worthy of them so you’ll have to try to change to make them want to stay.”

Daehwi cooed about how cute that was but Hyungseob wasn’t just saying it to be cute. He really was so glad of Woojin and he didn’t know what he needed to do to deserve him but he had to try. 

Woojin cleared his throat lightly from beside Hyungseob. “What about you?”

“What?”

Woojin glanced briefly at Samuel and Daehwi before he stared at Hyungseob’s shoulder. “Have you found a person like that?”

“Of course I am talking about you,” Hyungseob huffed. “I don’t deserve you yet, Woojin, but one day I will. Can you stay with me until I finally deserve you?”

Woojin shook his head. “Just by existing you deserve me. I’m not even impressive or anything so I want to try harder for you too. And we can stay together even when we’re both ghosts and we can live in a ghost house together and-”

“Oh my gosh! Can you two stop? If I get cavities I at least want to eat something instead of just losing my teeth from hearing the two of you talking!” Daehwi said. There was no heat in his words and he smiled across the table at them. “I’m glad you have stopped fighting. It would have been a waste if you let silly things get in the way.”

Hyungseob really wanted to know what Woojin was telling Daehwi for him to say things like this. They hadn’t even made up properly yet and even if they had made up the fight wasn’t about something silly. Woojin had been upset. Woojin was angry because Hyungseob wasn’t treating him properly. It definitely was not something to call silly. It was something that Hyungseob would previously have ignored because he felt that he was suffering more but now Hyungseob was different and he knew that he had a lot to make up for. All the same, he smiled at Daehwi. 

“You’ll be ruining even more people’s teeth,” Hyungseob said. 

“I hope you’re the first one to need your teeth pulled then,” Daehwi replied brightly. 

Hyungseob likely would be the first person to need their teeth pulled because the milkshake was thick as sharp granules of sweetness clotted at the back of his mouth. Hyungseob sipped more but he needed something fresher than this giant milkshake to wash the taste away and when he waved off Daehwi and Samuel as they joined their other friends Hyungseob all but choked on the curdling film that coated his throat. 

Woojin patted Hyungseob’s back roughly. “Should I get you some water?”

“We need to go,” Hyungseob rasped.

“What’s the matter?”

“I don’t want to see them,” Hyungseob said. He coughed harder and his throat ached but he managed to survive the choking. He wiped the tears that had collected in the corners on his eyes and Woojin quickly escorted him to the counter to pay and then from the dessert shop without even sparing a glance for the table that Justin and Seunghyuk were sitting at. 

Outside the dessert shop Woojin looked uncertain and he kicked at the pavement idly. “Hyungseob, you’re okay, aren’t you?”

“I’m fine. Sorry. I was a but surprised that they were in there too,” Hyungseob said. “We should go back inside. I made things weird, didn’t I?”

Woojin shook his head quickly. “I don’t want to go back inside if you don’t want to.”

Woojin really was too good to Hyungseob. Even now Hyungseob was taking him for granted and being spoilt by being allowed to avoid people he didn’t want to see. “I know what it looks like, Woojin, but I really meant all those things I said earlier. I really want to work hard so that you feel appreciated. What you did for me was so kind but I don’t want you to think it is because you’re not the person I love the most.”

“It’s fine, really. You have history or whatever. Even if you’re friends things are still going to be weird for you,” Woojin said, far too affably. “We should go somewhere else. I can just take you home if you don’t feel well but we can go to an arcade or something.”

It would have been nice to go to an arcade and make an attempt at that wonderful date he had promised Woojin but he mostly felt off-kilter. 

“Can you take me home?” Hyungseob asked. His voice was small enough that he hoped Woojin didn't even hear. It would have been better to be forced to get over himself and try to have a good time for the sake of Woojin but it was difficult. 

Hyungseob had liked Seunghyuk for so long and it still wasn't fair that Justin didn't even try and was able to get him. Hyungseob had been trying all along and all it had resulted in were these feelings that reminded him exactly what he was pretending not to be. Hyungseob was lonely in the strangest of ways and it was easy for him to blame Seunghyuk for half promising him things and not delivering. If Hyungseob really thought about it he could see that the blame lay squarely with himself. How could he feel lonely and dwell on these feelings of needing more when Woojin was right there with plenty to give and all he seemed to want was Hyungseob to try to be happy with that. 

Hyungseob was happy with that. But he could see how Woojin would struggle to believe it. 

“I think I’m going to stop talking to Seunghyuk,” Hyungseob said. Woojin frowned. 

“Why would you do that?”

It was a ridiculous question and Hyungseob didn’t understand why Woojin hadn’t demanded at least that much of Hyungseob before. 

“Me being so close to him isn’t making anybody happy. I think he hates me anyway so he wants me to stop talking to him too. But more importantly than that, if I keep talking to him and pretending things are still the same I am still going to be waiting for something from him.”

“Right,” Woojin said flatly. 

“I don’t want to wait around anymore. I don’t want you to have to wait for me either. I meant what I said to Daehwi. Even though you deserve so much better than me I want to work harder to become a better person so that I can hold onto you.”

Woojin sighed. “I already said that you do deserve-”

“I don’t, Woojin. I have been awful to you and I don’t want that anymore. So I am going to stop talking to Seunghyuk and I am going to start doing everything I can to make you happy.” Woojin looked apprehensive but he didn’t say anything until Hyungseob slipped his hand into Woojin’s.

“Oh,” Woojin said. 

“Is this alright?” 

“You’re holding my hand,” Woojin said. 

“I am,” Hyungseob confirmed. “I know I said I wanted to make you happy but I am still a selfish person. I am going to start with things like this which make me happy instead.”

“No,” Woojin muttered. “I’m happy too.”

Hyungseob was even happier with the deep red of Woojin’s cheeks. He wasn’t sure what he could do to see it more but having him smile shyly as they walked towards Hyungseob’s house was wonderful. When they finally got there Woojin’s smile stiffened. He looked away and rubbed his nose. 

“I liked this date even if you freaked out a bit.”

“You freaked out too,” Hyungseob said, squeezing Woojin’s hand for emphasis. Woojin looked baffled. 

“What are you talking about?”

“Poor Samuel was so nervous. You were interrogating him like you were some overly-protective father.”

Woojin flushed again except instead of smiling shyly he looked very sulky. “What if he was just trying something on with Daehwi because he thinks things about him?”

“All you can do is tell Daehwi to be careful. It isn’t up to you to scare away any opportunities he has to try and be happy,” Hyungseob says. Woojin looks uncertain so Hyungseob adds, “I know you hate it but I am going to make this about me.”

“I don’t hate-”

“Even though I felt bad for Daehwi’s social life being stifled I really wanted to kiss you. To cheer you up. Is that bad? That even then I was looking for the opportunity to make you look at me?”

“You wanted to kiss me?” Woojin asked, his voice softened completely enough that Hyungseob could pretend Woojin had forgotten all about people who weren’t Hyungseob. 

With a nod Hyungseob tugged Woojin closer by his hand. “Can I kiss you now?”

Woojin stumbled over fractured words before deciding on a nod. Hyungseob pressed close and kissed Woojin softly until the front door to his house opened. Woojin startled back and Hyungseob felt very hot as he whirled around to see his dad looking very unimpressed. 

“Dad… This is Woojin,” Hyungseob said gesturing to a person who suddenly looked desperate to run away.

“Um, hi,” Woojin just about managed to say. “I mean, it is nice to meet you.”

“Have you ever made Hyungseob cry?”

Woojin’s mouth dropped open as he began stuttering something that could have been a denial as easily as an admission that he had.

“He hasn’t made me cry,” Hyungseob lied quickly. Even though Woojin had made Hyungseob cry they were on level ground because Hyungseob had made Woojin cry. There wasn’t a way to erase all of that but it was better to lie to his dad now than to let Woojin say that he had made Hyungseob cry and start off on the same level that Seunghyuk had dropped down to. 

“Are you sure about that?” Hyungseob’s dad asked. 

“I’m sure,” Hyungseob said. “We’re in love, so it’s fine.”

It was somehow the wrong thing to say. A strange expression passed over his dad’s face before the suggestion that Woojin should go home. Hyungseob felt a bit wobbly as he waved goodbye to Woojin, watched him retreat down the road, before going inside his house. Before he could go up the stairs to his bedroom and get changed into comfortable clothes his dad stopped him and asked to speak with him in the living room. 

Everything was wrong about the routine and Hyungseob felt a bit guilty seeing that his dad was still wearing his work clothes. He must have only just returned and been midway through deciding what to cook that evening when he came outside to interrupt the kissing. 

“That boy Woojin,” Hyungseob’s dad said stiffly from the far end of the sofa. “Has he ever made you cry? I know you don’t want to get him into trouble but I can hardly get angry at him now that he isn’t here. Please tell me the truth.”

Hyungseob hesitated. He knew what he wanted the truth to be but it seemed like too much to hide the red welts from Woojin’s blunt way of airing his frustrations with Hyungseob. He thought that perhaps his parents are too good to him. Hyungseob has never done anything special, only loved his parents and tried not to take them for granted, yet they fiercely fly to his defence at every turn. Hyungseob was glad that there wasn’t a high chance of them meeting Seunghyuk again. He dreaded to think what would happen should they encounter him and confront him about all the slights they witnessed against their son. 

“I made Woojin cry first,” Hyungseob admitted. He kept his gaze down so he only heard the tense exhale from his dad. 

“You made him cry? How?”

“He loves me a lot. He has wanted to go out with me properly for a while and has been there for me whenever Seunghyuk upset me. And then he said that I wasn’t being fair by relying on him so much and knowing about his feelings if I was always going to put Seunghyuk first.”

It was quiet for awhile so Hyungseob was wary about looking at his dad and when he did he shrank back from the apprehension he saw there. 

“If you’re feeling hurt you shouldn’t pass that onto the people that care about you,” He said. He looked tired and Hyungseob hoped he wasn’t too troubled by work and Hyungseob treating people badly. 

“I’m trying to be better for him,” Hyungseob said. “I don’t want to make him cry anymore. If I don’t make him cry then I won’t cry either.” 

“I know you’re young,” Hyungseob’s dad said. “But your mum and I don’t want you to be making yourself or other people around you sad. It hurts us to see our precious son so distraught, especially when someone gave you so much hope, and I hope that from now on you choose things that make yourself happier. And Woojin too. I hope that if you continue things with him that you try not to hurt him either.” 

Hyungseob already knew that his parents hated seeing him crying over Seunghyuk and even after the wonderful show he put on at last year’s birthday meal they didn’t come close to saying anything complimentary about him these days. But after only having met Woojin for seconds his dad was already telling him to be careful of Woojin’s feelings too. 

“Do you like him?” Hyungseob asked. 

His dad sighed and smoothed his hands over his knees absently. “I don’t know him. But if you like him and you trust him that is enough for now.”

That was practically an admission so Hyungseob was totally within his rights to scramble across the sofa and fling his arms around his dad. This was supposed to be a talk of some kind and yet his dad was being so nice about it and telling him to be careful of Woojin’s feelings too! Hyungseob was going to become so very careful of Woojin’s feelings from now on!

When Hyungseob’s mum came home, kicking off her heels and complaining about people having no respect for her capacity to not care about their difficulties using staplers, she crossed her arms and demanded to know why she was being left out until she announced loudly that she regretted giving Hyungseob permission to cling to her so tightly. 

  
  


*

  
  


Going to school the day after the date was strange because Hyungseob was still trying to hold onto that floaty elation he had from knowing just how much Woojin loved him. Hyungseob’s parents were happy for him too even if they put on faces and pretended to be stern about Hyungseob’s social life but the thing was, this was exactly what Hyungseob wanted. He had been caught kissing a boy and had to have a serious talk about feelings that only told Hyungseob that his parents were far too good to him. 

Hyungseob’s parents only wanted him to be happy and he felt very happy at the prospect of seeing Woojin and maybe kissing him some more.He felt markedly less happy when Seunghyuk almost strode right past him on the way to school. 

“Where is Justin?” Hyungseob asked. The line of Seunghyuk’s shoulders stiffened some but he didn’t respond. He continued to walk too quickly for Hyungseob to keep up and that was fine. Hyungseob’s voice was loud enough as he scurried just out of step with Seunghyuk. “My date went really well, by the way, thanks for asking.”

“I didn’t ask,” Seunghyuk said stiffly.

Hyungseob rolled his eyes. “Yeah, so we didn’t get to do all the things we wanted to but we had a lot of fun anyway.”

“I’m sure you did.”

“We’ve had dates before but this was a bit different. Things are a bit more serious between us now,” Hyungseob said cheerily. Seunghyuk frowned own at him, actually looked at him directly for the first time in a while. 

“Can we just not talk for a bit?”

It was quite rude of Seunghyuk to say something like that but Hyungseob doubted Seunghyuk would care very much if he said so. He huffed and stayed quiet even when Euiwoong joined them and gave Hyungseob a pointed look. 

“I apologised. Are you happy now?”

Hyungseob wasn’t sure that he was happy because Euiwoong didn’t look very sorry even now. Hyungseob wasn’t about to tell Euiwoong off for something like that but he would reserve his judgement for later. When they arrived at school they parted ways and Hyungseob walked in silence beside Seunghyuk to their classroom. Woojin was waiting outside the door and Seunghyuk didn’t even spare him a glance as he passed. 

“I’m sorry about him, that was rude,” Hyungseob said. 

“Do you think I care about that?”

“Uh, no?” Hyungseob asked. Woojin grinned and reached out a hand to Hyungseob. 

“Your dad is kind of scary.”

“How?” Hyungseob asked. 

“He looked kind of mad and then when he asked if I had ever made you cry I thought he was going to beat me up.”

“He would never!” Hyungseob grumbled. “I love you so he has to do the opposite of beating you up.”

Woojin looked worried, all trace of his smile gone. “What is the opposite of beating me up?”

Hyungseob probably wasn’t making the best leap of logic when his brain came up with ‘letting Hyungseob and Woojin get married’. It certainly wasn’t a beating-up adjacent thought but he also wasn’t sure it counted as being the opposite. He shrugged instead. 

“I don’t know if I can make it through the day without a hug.”

Woojin raised his eyebrows but loosely slung his arms around Hynugseob’s waist. “Is that better?”

“We’re at school so I suppose it will have to do.”

“We don’t want to be that couple who everyone hates,” Woojin said. “At school we will only hold hands sometimes.” He pulled Hyungseob closer and dropped his voice lower to say, “But when we’re not at school and nobody can tell us off for being gross we can totally-”

“Say another word and you won’t live to do any of those things you have stored up in your wank bank.”

Woojin didn’t seem too alarmed by Jihoon prodding him in the back of the head with something and making threats on his life but Hyungseob certainly was. 

“What are you doing, Jihoon? Leave him alone!”

“I can’t. I have to make sure he never finishes that sentence for the good of mankind.”

Woojin and Jihoon probably had very different ideas of the good of mankind because Woojin gave Hyungseob an almost bitter smile before turning his head slowly so he could look Jihoon dead in the eye. “For the good of mankind, after school today Hyungseob and I are going to f-”

Hyungseob was slightly glad that Woojin didn’t get to finish the sentence but it was a shame it took Jihoon tackling him to the ground and stuffing his fist in Woojin’s mouth to achieve that. 

  
  


*

  
  


There was nothing special about the day Justin returned to school. He walked alongside Seunghyuk just like he used to and they all greeted each other, albeit with more care than they used to, and they continued onwards to school.

When Hyungseob arrived at Woojin’s classroom he was happy to see Woojin shuffle aside to make room for him. Hyungseob was very delicate about sitting down and was not anywhere near crushing Woojin with his huge bum. 

“You’re one to talk about huge bums,” Hyungseob sniffed. Jihoon huffed. 

“Woojin, I think you need to have a talk with that boyfriend of yours.”

“You said it first,” Woojin said. He hooked his arm around Hyungseob’s waist. “I like your bum.”

“Not that kind of talk!” Jihoon groused. “Tell him he is awful and you won’t have anything to do with him if he is so mean to me.”

“Just say the word, Hyungseob, I will never talk to Jihoon again if you ask.” 

“You’re not funny at all,” Jihoon grumbled.

“I would never ask that of you,” Hyungseob said. 

“I know you wouldn’t ask,” Woojin said gently, “That’s why you don’t even have to ask me to stop hanging out with Jihoon. I will stop any time.” 

“I don’t need to take this from you” Jihoon grumbled as he stood up. He kicked both Hyungseob and Woojin as he walked out of the classroom and started a very loud and grumpy conversation on his phone. 

Woojin’s arm was still around Hyungseob’s waist but he looked nervous as he said, “Am I allowed to say things like that?”

“You and Jihoon have a very strange friendship. You’re always so mean to each other-”

“No I meant… what I said about you,” Woojin said quietly. 

“Oh.” Well, that seemed more obvious now that Woojin said it so frankly Hyungseob’s bum was technically touching Woojin’s where they were squeezed onto the same seat together. They shared a lot of seats together when they visited each other’s classes and the chairs around them were occupied so this wasn’t so far out of the ordinary. Considering they already spent so much time so close to each other, and Hyungseob was sort of counting on lots more time spent in such proximity, it was better to hear that Woojin liked parts of his anatomy than anything contrary to that. 

“You can say those things,” Hyungseob said. “I like your bum too,”

Woojin was quietly pleased with that even though Hyungseob wasn’t even sure he could say as much at school. His parents were always so nice to him and his dad has all but given the seal of approval on Woojin but Hyungseob doubted they would be so kind if he got thrown out of school for being crass. 

Hyungseob waited a moment and he didn’t get thrown out of school and resigned to a life of disappointing his parents. Instead he got to look at Woojin smiling softly and looking like he was waiting for Hyungseob to say something else. Hyungseob couldn’t think of anything that Woojin could specifically be waiting for so he said the next best thing. 

“Justin, came back to school today. I didn't speak to him though. I don’t really know where I stand with him or Seunghyuk.”

Woojin only looked crestfallen for a second. It was brief but Hyungseob say the expression and he was even more confused that Woojin really had something in mind for Hyungseob to say but the thought wasn’t something he could dwell on when Woojin maintained the subject change. 

“You should try to be friends again. Daehwi would like it.”

“Oh,” Hyungseob said. Then, “Would you like it?”

Woojin shrugged. “Does it matter?”

“Yeah,” Hyungseob said, feeling something porcelain thin crack inside his chest. “You matter, Woojin. I haven’t been fair to you recently so I need to do better to show that you’re the most important person to me. I will do whatever you want me to.”

Woojin sighed and squeezed because there was no way to pull Hyungseob any closer on the chair where neither of them had quite enough room. 

“I’m not expecting you to please me in every way, Hyungseob. It’s good enough for me that you’re considering me seriously.”

 

The day Justin and Seunghyuk officially got together, Hyungseob could immediately sense something had changed. Seunghyuk looked tired as he had tended to these days but he didn’t look quite as miserable as usual. 

“You two are strange today,” Hyungseob hazarded. Seunghyuk’s steps looked lighter and Justin’s gaze wasn’t downcast. He wasn’t so afraid of the disappointments he had muttered to Hyungseob as though it was an apology (as though Hyungseob wanted an apology). 

“We are.”

Hyungseob could see it. This was oddly similar to when he had noticed the way they had drifted together and then apart once more. The slight tilts of their bodies were turned towards one another and even when they hadn’t been speaking on their approach they both shot furtive glances at the other. Seunghyuk’s admission revealed it all and Hyungseob supposed there were worse things in the world to notice. He sniffed delicately and said, “Oh, I see.”

“Yeah,” Seunghyuk said arbitrarily. 

Hyungseob didn’t want to hear Seunghyuk’s voice, not at a time like this. They were both decidedly living independently of one another and that was fine. Hyungseob could be civil and say he was happy for Seunghyuk and Justin just like he had pretended before (only this time Hyungseob wasn’t as disappointed as he was the first time and he was only annoyed that they could easily rub their relationship in his face when he didn’t have Woojin around to show how over things he was).

When they did arrive at school, Hyungseob made the most of having Woojin to hug. 

“You’re… affectionate,” Woojin noted. 

“No more than usual,” Hyungseob disagreed. 

“You are. Normally you just act cute until I hug you first.”

Hyungseob shrugged. “Well now it’s your turn to be cute. Oh, but you’ll probably hear at some point that Seunghyuk and Justin are officially together. It’s nothing to do with that though.”

Woojin looked bemused. “What did you think that I would think? That just because they’re together you’re allowed to show that you like me? The timing is just a coincidence, Hyungseob, so I’m glad that today it is my turn to be cute. I will make sure to be extra cute just for you. You’ll never want to let me go.”

“I don’t want to let you go anyway,” Hyungseob asserted. 

“I hope you feel really sad all day because we have basically no classes together,” Woojin cooed. 

“I will be so sad. Like, I bet all my teachers will tell me off for not paying attention during lessons.”

“That happens anyway.”

Hyungseob pouted. “Well, yeah, but… you’re not in any of my classes, are you?”

Woojin rolled his eyes. “You’re using me not being in your classes as an excuse for doing badly and not paying attention?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re awful,” Woojin grinned. “I hope you get into trouble with every single one of your teachers. You’ll deserve it.”

That wasn’t very nice or romantic at all so Hyungseob made sure to pay extra close attention in all of his classes. When he had made it through the day without getting told off once, Hyungseob rushed to find Woojin after school to rub it in his face as he very romantically walked Woojin home.

  
  


*

  
  


The thing was, Hyungseob was a changed man now. It had been over a week since Woojin had been so flippant about the fact he wasn't expecting Hyungseob to put his thoughts and feelings first. It was ridiculous that Woojin had shrugged and told Hyungseob that it was good enough that that he was being considered. It absolutely was not good enough but just like at the time when Hyungseob had awkwardly made up an excuse about having to go to class early, every time the thought floated to the front of his mind he buffeted it away with gusty thoughts of other nicer things. 

There wasn't much niceness for Hyungseob and his peers with the college entrance exams approaching so it was very important to make the most of the niceness they could find and carve out for themselves. 

Hyungseob had spun a very special sort of niceness with the excuse of going over notes and aiming for a good university in Seoul. The niceness involved looking at revision notes with Woojin for a very respectable fifteen minutes (six minutes if at his own house because it wasn't good to waste precious minutes alone on pretending his future mattered when Woojin was in his room) before ending up on the bed with his hand shoved down Woojin's pants. 

The first time it had happened Woojin's eyes went wide and he clutched at Hyungseob’s forearm. He licked the glistening swell of his lips and said, “You don't have to force yourself to do this.”

“Oh,” Hyungseob said, because he had a habit of misreading signals which resulted in the whole debacle with Seunghyuk. It wouldn't be too much of a reach for Woojin's surprisingly breathy gasps against his mouth as he made very timid attempts to ride Hyungseob’s thigh to have nothing at all with wanting Hyungseob to actually touch him. Hyungseob withdrew his hand (his hand that had very briefly touched Woojin's dick! even if this didn't really count as anything Hyungseob was definitely going to tally this up as one of his sexual achievements) even against Woojin's grip that was still holding onto his arm. He cleared his throat and forced back the heat in his face and resigned himself to collecting his chagrin in his ears. “Sorry, Woojin. I'll stop if this isn't what you want.”

“No, it is! But are you sure you want to do this? Aren't you still in love with someone else?”

“I think I'm only in love with one person these days. Besides, it's not a big deal,” Hyungseob said as though this was not in fact the biggest deal of his entire life. 

“It’s not a big deal?” Woojin asked as he sunk back against the pillows. His voice was very small and Hyungseob didn’t particularly like that. He needed to correct himself. 

“ _ This _ is a big deal,” Hyungseob said as he gestured between them. “Like I have never been happier that you and I want to do more together. I just meant that, the feelings I had before aren’t a big deal. You’re the person who loves me, right. So what sort of person would I be if I disregarded that and stayed hung up on someone else? It isn’t a big deal. I only want you. I love you.”

“Alright,” Woojin said. “If you’re sure this is what you want.”

Hyungseob hadn’t been more certain that this was what he wanted. If he wasn’t already the most certain he had been about anything in his life, Woojin’s groans stifled into the back of his hand would have brought the realisation closer to him. Woojin’s face buried in Hyungseob’s neck as he came with bitten-off sounds cemented this moment as one Hyungseob would never stop replaying in his mind. 

Even though seeing Woojin reacting so nicely with Hyungseob’s hand, it was a bit much to let Woojin do the same to him right away. He tried to smile as he stopped Woojin’s hands on their path towards his waistband. “Not today.”

“But you did it to me. I’ll feel bad if I’m the only one getting something out of this.”

“You shouldn’t! I get something out of it. I get to see you looking so nice like that,” Hyungseob said before excusing himself to go to the bathroom to calm down. 

He did want Woojin to touch him but the thought was a bit scary. Nobody had ever touched him before and even if he had touched Woojin it was a bit different. Woojin was already very handsome but when he was gasping and bucking his hips into Hyungseob’s hand, his cheeks went a very pretty shade of red and his lips parted to make such pretty sounds. Hyungseob wanted to see Woojin like that again but maybe just the once would have to suffice if Woojin would feel bad about not returning the favour. 

When Hyungseob returned to Woojin’s room at the boarding house it was to see a very nervous looking Woojin. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Hyungseob said as firmly as he could without sounding annoyed. 

“Is it too weird?” Woojin asked, his hands clamped between his knees. “Do you want to forget about doing physical stuff?”

“I still want to touch you,” Hyungseob said. He was probably too quick and Woojin looked bemused. “I really do love you, Woojin, so I do want to do things but I don’t think I’m ready for you to touch me like that yet.”

The line of Woojin’s shoulders was stiff as he looked askance at Hyungseob. “Loving someone isn’t about touching them though. If you’re not comfortable with it we really don’t need to do anything. I know I have been making jokes and stuff but I will stop that too if you don’t like it.”

Hyungseob shook his head. “No, I like how funny Jihoon’s face goes when you joke about doing things with me. And I really do still want to touch you. I like it.”

“Oh. Okay.” Woojin nodded. “I like it too.”

So even though Hyungseob was nervous about being touched he really liked touching Woojin. It was much better than reading about things that happened hundreds of years before Hyungseob discovered how wonderful making his boyfriend come could be. 

Hyungseob still wanted to go to a good university. He would do moderately well at his degree to please his parents while occasionally skipping lectures to go on impromptu dates with Woojin. It was a good goal to set for himself but even with such a goal he understood how stressful things were for them as students about to take their entrance exams. It was even more reason to remind himself of how nice it was to pull Woojin on top of him and lick the soft sighs out of his mouth. 

It got to a point where Hyungseob doubted all his hard work revising would amount to a good result on the exams. It wouldn’t be so bad to go to a university elsewhere. Hyungseob wasn’t completely set on any university in particular. It would just be nice to be with Woojin and stay near his family. Hyungseob was sure he could still achieve that while cutting short yet another revision session to slip his hands into Woojin’s underwear.

  
  


*

  
  


“This is the worst birthday ever,” Jihoon grumbled as they waited outside the cinema for Jinyoung. He was supposed to meet them at McDonalds beforehand but called to say he was running late which was kind of him in one way because it saved them worrying but it was less kind in another way because for some reason they all needed to stand outside the cinema and get exposed to the brisk winds and biting cold instead of benefitting from the hot air that blasted at them each time the automatic doors opened. 

Hyungseob frowned at Jihoon because Jinyoung was Jihoon’s friend so this was his fault really. “It isn’t even your birthday.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t need to be my birthday to know that this has got to be the worst one ever.”

“Stop trying to ruin Woojin’s birthday. We’re all his friends so we should try to have fun for him,” Hyungseob said as he gestured mostly at himself and Daehwi who was shivering in Woojin’s arms. 

“Oh, you’re friends now?” Jihoon asked jocularly. “You’ve decided to take a demotion from ‘boyfriend’, Hyungseob?”

“I’ve taken that demotion while you have been demoted to ‘classmate that Woojin doesn’t particularly like’.”

Jihoon sighed and dropped his shoulders. “Let me do it, Woojin, let me punch him once.”

“Please don’t punch anyone, Jihoon-hyung,” Daehwi requested very eloquently through his chattering teeth. 

“You’re lucky Daehwi likes you,” Jihoon said, defeated. “When Jinyoung gets here he will definitely take my side and then we’ll be evenly matched”

“How will that be even, it will still be three against two,” Woojin pointed out.

“Obviously you don’t get a vote because you’re too biased,” Jihoon pointed out. 

“I am more biased as Hyungseob’s boyfriend than Hyungseob is as Hyungseob?”

Jihoon rolled his eyes as though his point was a simple one yet he had to expend a great deal of energy explaining it to a dunce. “Yes, Woojin, you are more biased because you even loved Hyungseob when he was being a mopey baby about nobody loving him. Surprisingly Hyungseob isn’t too biased about anything because he holds you at arm’s length so he would get a vote if this was about punching you.”

“I do  _ not _ hold Woojin at arm’s length!” Hyungseob protested.

“Okay,” Jihoon said, voice dripping with disbelief. 

“He’s right. Hyungseob holds me at much closer range so that he can-”

“One more word and I won’t even hold that vote about punching you before I do it,” Jihoon threatened. 

“Stop provoking him, I don’t want you to get punched on your birthday, Hyung,” Daehwi said very sweetly. 

“Do the birthday beats count? Also are we going by international age? I think we should remember our rich heritage and punch Woojin nineteen times.”

“We went with eighteen on your birthday,” Someone said as they approached. Hyungseob peered around Jihoon to see Jinyoung finally arrive, pulling Jihoon into a brief hug. He looked like he was about to greet Woojin in the same way but whether the presence of Daehwi in Woojin’s arms or the expression on Woojin’s face startled Jinyoung out of the idea it was difficult to tell. 

“I saw you on your birthday and you pretended you didn’t know what birthday beats were,” Woojin said. His tone was heavy with betrayal and Hyungseob almost couldn’t believe that he was so crestfallen about not getting to punch his best friend. Almost. He couldn’t count himself surprised when Woojin started to take off his coat and roll up his sleeves menacingly. “I want to pay you back for your birthday. I’ll make it fair. We’re doing Korean age plus one for luck. You do me first and then I get to do it to you.”

Jihoon’s eyes widened and he took a step back behind the new arrival. “That’s not fair. If I punch you first you will punch me harder than I punched you. Come on, Daehwi, defend me.”

“Defend you from what?” Daehwi asked, blinking slowly and turning innocent eyes on Jihoon. “You threatened to punch Hyungseob-hyung for no reason at all and then you complained about Woojin-hyung being nice enough to potentially defend his boyfriend.”

Jinyoung looked very much like he didn’t know what he had walked into and exacerbated. Hyungseob smiled at him in solidarity but to look was ignored because Jinyoung was busy trying to catch someone else's eye. It was the story of Hyungseob’s life. 

“Let’s leave the punching until later,” Hyungseob proposed.

“Good, I will have much more energy to punch Jihoon after eating,” Woojin said as he pulled his coat back on. It didn’t seem that Jihoon was keen on the idea of losing and he said, “I will make sure to eat twice as much food as you so I have twice as much energy to punch you with.”

That wasn’t what Hyungseob intended and he hoped that instead Woojin and Jihoon both forgot all about the talk of punching. Hyungseob counted himself glad that Woojin hadn’t insisted on doling out birthday beats when Hyungseob was already feeling delicate and downtrodden on his own birthday. The kiss was much better and Hyungseob was going to make sure he kissed Woojin lots and lots to repay him but that was something he genuinely did want to save for later. 

Hyungseob suggested they all go inside and before Daehwi could latch onto Woojin once more he claimed both of Woojin’s arms for himself. Daehwi looked put out but it was probably time for him to make a new friend anyway. It was easy to see that Jinyoung was not paying a jot of attention to Jihoon’s battle strategy which involved losing Hyungseob and Daehwi while they held Woojin down and punched him. 

“Hey, Daehwi, why don’t you and Jinyoung get us some snacks while we sort out the tickets?” Hyungseob suggested. Daehwi looked confused but Jihoon looked positively baffled as Hyungseob passed Daehwi some money and told him to get as much as possible seeing as it was Woojin’s birthday. 

Daehwi drifted away looking a but dazed as Jinyoung followed him quickly to the concessions counter. Hyungseob queued up at the box office with Woojin and Jihoon and wondered what film Woojin would want to see the most on his birthday. He had to stop wondering about that and start wondering what he had done wrong when Jihoon smacked his bum way too hard and made him jolt into Woojin.

“What are you doing?” Jihoon asked. Hyungseob could ask the same thing but Jihoon went on, “Why are you trying to organise the group?”

“Your friend Jinyoung,” Hyungseob said in a low voice despite the distance that had been created between them all. “Is he single?”

It probably wasn’t a fair question seeing as Jihoon talked about him enough that it seemed  he had plans to make Jinyoung decidedly less single if he was. Woojin stiffened beside Hyungseob and he probably wanted to say something too but Jihoon would probably get over it. He would need to get over it if the hopeless romantic inside Hyungseob was right about the look in Jinyoung’s eyes as he struggled to tear his gaze away from Daehwi. 

Daehwi was a cute kid and even if he pretended to be bright at school when they passed in the corridors Hyungseob also saw him when he was at home, sighing a lot when he thought people weren’t listening and looking misty-eyed far too often. Even if nothing came of it Daehwi deserved at least one day of someone looking at him like all the sublime supernovas of the universe were contained within him. 

Jihoon, as helpful as ever, shrugged. “I guess so. What’s it to you?”

“Does he like guys?”

“Listen,” Jihoon said awkwardly. “If you two are having couple problems or whatever you should at least try to talk things through before dragging my friends into your weird sex games.”

“You think you wouldn’t be the first person we ask if this was a weird sex game thing?” Woojin asked. Jihoon looked positively queasy and the expression he turned on Hyungseob could almost be called pleading. 

“Obviously Woojin and I really do need to have a talk because you’re the last person I would ask,” Hyungseob said. He was content with Jihoon’s muttered thanks and continued as though the interruptions hadn’t happened in the first place. “I think we should try to set Jinyoung up with Daehwi.”

“Why?” Woojin asked sharply. 

Hyungseob rolled his eyes. “What’s wrong with him? He’s quite good looking and I bet he would treat Daehwi really well.”

“I mean this in the nicest possible way, Hyungseob, but you are kind of a bad judge of character so your seal of approval is the second red flag right after the fact that he’s Jihoon’s friend.”

Jihoon started to laugh but immediately stopped and thwacked Woojin’s arm sharply, catching Hyungseob’s elbow but he didn’t pay that much mind. “What is that supposed to mean? Jinyoung is actually a really nice person and Daehwi would be lucky to get a date with him.”

“You’re kidding, right? Lee Daehwi, the talented and adorable kid I would lay down my life for, would be lucky to get a date with that kid who intentionally squirted milk out of his nose last week? I don’t think you know what lucky means in this case.” Woojin said flatly. Hyungseob wasn’t going to listen too closely to Woojin over this. He shoved Woojin away and latched onto Jihoon’s arm. 

“Let’s ignore Woojin for now. What do you reckon? Should we try to set them up?”

“If by ‘set up’ you mean demand that they go on a date together then I’m all for it. I don’t want to get involved with a dumb scheme,” Jihoon said.  

Hyungseob hoped to go about things much more nicely than that but he supposed Jihoon’s support of the idea was good enough. He would have to save all his methods for conveniently splitting the group to leave Jinyoung and Daehwi alone for another time when they would be more appreciated. 

Jihoon shook off Hyungseob when they got to the front of the line and spoke in a low voice to the person selling tickets who left to fetch someone. They were back before long with two other employees, one of whom was wearing a slightly different uniform and an unimpressed expression as his gaze landed on Jihoon. 

“Who are you supposed to be today?” The shorter and very unimpressed looking man asked.

“I’m Kim Donghan’s cousin and I need five tickets,” Jihoon said very sombrely. 

“Stop telling people we’re cousins, Jihoon,” The man Hyungseob presumed was Kim Donghan said. “Do you know how awkward things are getting for me at work? Someone even asked me why I thought incest was okay.”

“Why do you think incest is okay, you creep? I thought it was bad enough that you make me exchange free cinema tickets for sexual favours,” Jihoon said sadly. 

Donghan smiled blandly at the (still) unimpressed looking man before leaning across the counter and grabbing Jihoon by the knot of his school tie. “Listen, you little bitch, I’m not letting this turn out like the sandwich shop because you think you’re funny. Stop making up weird things about me.”

“Never,” Jihon said. 

“You know,” Woojin said, “Jihoon is going to keep making up weird things about you and you’re going to keep letting him get his own way, Hyung.”

Donghan narrowed his eyes at Woojin but before he could refute anything his eyes landed on Hyungseob and he looked curious. “Who is this cute thing?”

“I’m standing right here and you’re calling someone else cute?” Jihoon grumbled. 

“I thought we were cousins,” Donghan said snottily as he straightened up and beckoned Woojin closer. “Is this him? Is this that boy you like?”

Hyungseob was listening very closely. It was hypocritical of him but Hyungseob hoped that he was the boy Woojin liked and there wasn’t someone else Woojin told people about before they got together. But Woojin was keen to disappoint and he said, “I didn’t tell you about liking anyone, Hyung.”

“Not directly. What else was I supposed to think when I spent a whole evening of my life listening to, ‘I should have taken him up on an offer to go out to dinner,’ and ‘Was it too cheesy that I kissed him? I really want to do it again,’ and ‘Should I call him and ask him to go on a date tomorrow? I want to make up for only being able to see him for a little bit on his birthday,’” Donghan said affecting a chirping voice which grated on Hyungseob’s ears for some reason. 

Woojin looked sheepish as he said, “Yeah, this is him.” 

The short unimpressed man shoved slips of paper at Donghan and said, “Move your friends and get back to work.” 

Hyungseob was concerned that nobody had chosen a film to watch but nobody else seemed bothered as Donghan clambered over the counter and squeezed between Woojin and Hyungseob to link arms with both of them as they found Daehwi and Jinyoung smiling shyly at one another over the mountain of snacks they had bought. 

“Jinyoung,” Donghan called as they approached. “This is him! This is the boy Woojin likes!” 

Jinyoung looked baffled and shrank away from Donghan’s advance as well as he could while laden down with armfuls of popcorn buckets. “That’s nice.”

“Um, I think everyone knows,” Hyungseob said. He wasn’t being at all sensitive about the fact Donghan had broadcast this news to the entire cinema foyer. He felt very hot but there wasn’t much he could do about that whole he was being dragged along. He coughed lightly and right before he tripped he added, “I’m Woojin’s boyfriend.”

“It really is you!” Donghan cried instead of helping Hyungseob up to his feet. Luckily Woojin managed to extract himself from Donghan’s grip and held Hyungseob steady while Donghan continued to be amazed that Hyungseob existed. “Look at your ears! Woojin always talks about your ears being bright red!” 

“He’s exaggerating,” Woojin muttered. 

Hyungseob didn’t mind it. He only thought it was a shame that there wasn’t anyone around who could embarrass him like this. Instead of telling people about all the nice dates he went on with Woojin so that they could use the information to later bother him with, he kept it all inside his chest like a secret that would dissolve in the cocktail of enzymes that were turning him into goo as he tried his hardest to be considerate for someone who didn’t care for his kindness. 

“I’ll make sure to talk lots about you so that we’re even,” Hyungseob promised.

“You don’t need to do that,” Woojin said. Hyungseob absolutely did need to do that but instead of arguing back he pecked Woojin lightly on the lips.

“They’re kissing!” Donghan cheered as though it was a remotely normal thing to do. It was followed by the unimpressed man yelling at Donghan from across the foyer. He definitely deserved it even if his response was to simply wave off the chastisement as though it was standard. 

“That reminds me,” Jihoon said, “Let me know your work schedule for the next couple of weeks so we know when to send Jinyoung and Daehwi here for their first date.”

Daehwi spluttered and dropped half the popcorn he was carrying and apologised through rattling coughs but Donghan grinned and told him it was fine. Jinyoung looked equally confused but at least he hadn’t dropped popcorn all over the floor.

“First date?”

“Yeah,” Jihoon shrugged as he scrolled through his phone. “Hyungseob and I decided that you two are going to get married or something. You like him, right?”

Jinyoung was clearly telepathically communicating something to Jihoon and it was nothing nice. He cleared his throat but his voice sounded raspy as he said, “I think I could if I got to know him better.”

Daehwi looked very pink at that but he was still busy trying not to choke. Woojin patted him on the back and told him he didn’t have to go on a date with anyone that he didn’t want to. He was pretending to be very kind and understanding about things but his intention became clear when he looked very cross with Daehwi’s reply of, “I think I would like to try at least once.” 

“Then it’s settled,” Jihoon said. “But lay off the lovey-dovey stuff for today. Woojin and Hyungseob are allowed because it is Woojin’s birthday and I get to punch at least one of them later but there is no way I am going to hang out on a double-date with you losers.”

“I could skive off work and make it a triple date,” Donghan suggested. 

JIhoon scoffed and turned away from Donghan. “Anyway we have a film to watch which Jinyoung almost made us late for.”

Jihoon remembered who Donghan was in time to get the tickets off him and cheerfully announced they would be watching a cinematic masterpiece. It was not until they were seated, trapped along with the rest of the audience that Hyungseob discovered they were settled in to watch Lego Ninjago. Hyungseob tried not to look too disappointed when he noticed the glee in Woojin's face and clasped their hands together tightly. It might not be as bad as he thought it would be and he had plans for after the film. 

“I can help you to give Jihoon his belated birthday beats, right?”

Woojin grinned. “That would be the best present I could ask for.”

Hyungseob smiled back but didn't say anything about hoping the present he had actually prepared would be slightly more appreciated than wanting to punch Jihoon.    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this whole chapter seems like a bit of a cop-out but i enjoyed writing this more than the cress fic even though it took me an equally ridiculous amount of time.


End file.
